Tom Paris on the Masculine: Why Men Must Treat Women Well

In this thoughtful return episode, Cynthia Marks welcomes Dr. Tom Paris, a retired psychotherapist whose practice centered on dreamwork and the teachings of Dr. Bernard Bail. Together they explore “the masculine” through the lens of the mother’s imprint—the emotional and unconscious material a fetus absorbs while “marinating” in a mother’s inner life. Tom explains how the imprint becomes a lifelong survival strategy: we learn early to monitor and manage the mother’s emotional state, often at the expense of knowing who we truly are. From there, the conversation expands into power, privilege, and why gender inequality persists—sometimes reinforced by both men and women through culture, fear, and the comfort of the status quo. Cynthia and Tom discuss father involvement in pregnancy, how men can be supported to develop emotional fluency, and why mothers also need permission to raise sensitive boys. They connect personal change to cultural change: progress often comes in small steps, with backlash, and requires courage. The episode ends with a hopeful invitation—use your dreams to know yourself, clear the “trash,” and build a world where men and women share equal space.

00:00 — What the Imprint Is

06:10 — Babies, Survival, and Losing the Self

12:15 — Why Men Don’t Engage in Pregnancy (and Why It Matters)

18:20 — Power, Privilege, and the “Less-Than” Training

24:30 — Culture Change: Steps Forward, Backlash, Repeat

30:40 — Idealizing Parents, Repeating Patterns in Love

36:50 — Feelings, Empathy, and Raising Boys Differently

43:10 — What Equality Could Look Like + Closing Invitation