Toggling in Tension: The Real Work of Leadership

In this episode of Leadership Limbo, Josh and John reflect on the central thesis of their podcast—leadership is about navigating polarities, not choosing sides. From transparency versus discretion to friendship versus professionalism, they dig into the tensions leaders constantly toggle between and how these dynamics shape team culture and effectiveness.

Josh shares insights from Edwin Friedman’s A Failure of Nerve and the concept of self-differentiation, while John highlights the practical realities of leading through both collaboration and decisive direction. They also explore the Sherpa mentality from The 100X Leader, reframing leadership success as helping others reach the summit rather than chasing individual achievement.

The conversation surfaces four key relational tensions managers face with their teams:

• Transparency vs. Discretion

• Friendship/Friendliness vs. Professionalism

• Collaboration vs. Decision-Making

• Advocacy vs. Directive Management

Josh and John remind listeners that effective leaders don’t settle on one side of these spectrums—they learn to toggle with intentionality. The episode closes with a reflective exercise using two “thermometers”: one measuring how well you’re performing, and the other how well you’re leading performers. The challenge: notice gaps and identify where your leadership toggle might need to shift.

Resources Mentioned:

Feel free to check out two books referenced in this episode, as well:

• A Failure of Nerve, by Edwin Friedman
• The 100x Leader, by Steve Cockram and Jeremie Kubicek