Three Nonverbal Cues That Can Quietly Undermine Your Influence ... (and What to Do Instead)

http://www.sherylkline.com/blog

If you consider the research, only about 7% of what we say is interpreted through our actual words.

Everything else is interpreted through our tone, our gestures, our body language, how we move, how we hold ourselves ... and even the cadence and tone of our voice.

So before I share three nonverbal cues that can quietly take away from your ability to influence, I want to start with something I know you’ve heard me say before:

Whatever you’re thinking comes out of your mouth.

In other words ... your mindset is the precursor to being able to influence successfully. Every time, it will impact how others will feel about what you have to say.

Get Your Head in the Game First

It’s very difficult for other people to be confident in us, trust us, and buy into what we’re saying when we are not confident in ourselves.

Let me give you a real example.

One of my clients, "Sue" (not her real name) is a rising female executive who is essentially creating a VP position for herself. She has been doing the role for a long time ... she just hasn’t had the title. And as you can imagine, that can create some wobble in salary and compensation conversations.

Do I negotiate like I’m new to being a VP ... or do I negotiate like the seasoned VP I already am?

The truth is: she has been doing the work for a year and believes she has the experience of a more seasoned VP. The problem: Her mindset did not match her reality. Initially, ‘Sue’ was uncertain about how her leadership viewed her experience. Would her leadership view her as a Sr. Director and therefore a new and incoming VP?

If she was uncertain, that feeling would show up and have an impact prior to her negotiation with her boss.

Instead, she shifted to: “I am a VP. I have been operating at this level. I am negotiating as a seasoned leader who will be able to have a more bold impact on the organization in this VP role..”

That clarity and confidence changes everything ... including how you show up, how you speak, and how others respond to you.

Once your mindset is ready to convey what you are asking for,, then you can fine tune the nonverbal cues that either strengthen or weaken your influence.

The Three Nonverbal Cues That Can Take Away From Your Influence

1) Closed Body Structure

A closed posture communicates uncertainty, discomfort, and a lack of safety ... even if that’s not what you intend.

Think about crossed arms. Hunched shoulders. A collapsed chest. Legs tightly crossed. A posture that says, “I’m protecting myself."

What we want instead is an open stance.

If you’re on Zoom, that means you want your shoulders open, your hands visible, and your body oriented toward the person you’re speaking to.

If you’re in person, it’s the same idea ... open stance, grounded feet, and a posture that communicates, “I belong here.”

2) Inconsistent or Avoiding Eye Contact

This one is tricky because many of us do it without realizing it. And yes ... I catch myself doing it too sometimes.

But here’s why it matters.

If you’re looking around, darting your eyes, getting distracted, or avoiding eye contact, the other person often experiences it as uncertainty. They can also experience it as a lack of honesty or commitment.

Now to be clear, we are not aiming for a stare. That’s not the goal.

What we want is steady, natural eye contact that communicates focus and presence. Nod to indicate engagement and engagement.

If you have a crucial conversation coming up, practice.

Practice with someone you trust. Practice on Zoom. Practice in a mirror if you need to.

Because you might have a habit you’ve never noticed ... and awareness is half the work.

3) Micro Signs of Self Soothing

This is t