This is Healing — Clickbait Hotline Episode 3

Episode Description:

In this episode of Healthy Clickbait Hotline, I dive into the topic of people-pleasing and why it’s more than just being “nice.” Joined by a question from listener Carrie, we explore what people-pleasing really is—a pattern of denying your own needs to keep others happy. We discuss how it’s rooted in our nervous system and often tied to fawning, which is the instinct to appease others to avoid conflict or disapproval.

I break down Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, to explain how our bodies respond to perceived threats and what it means for people-pleasers. This episode introduces practical somatic self-regulation exercises to help you find safety in saying 'no' and reconnect with your sense of agency.

I also share a client’s story, showing how soothing techniques can be misused and emphasize that these exercises aren’t just about calming down—they’re about building resilience in the face of pressure.

Key Takeaways:

• People-pleasing is not about kindness, but about denying yourself to keep others comfortable.
• Fawning as a nervous system response and its connection to emotional safety.
• The importance of understanding Polyvagal Theory and the vagus nerve in regulating our sense of safety.
• Practical exercises like grounding, orienting, and vagal toning to shift out of people-pleasing patterns.
• Rebuilding trust with yourself and creating small wins to practice healthy boundaries.