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Finally! I had been waiting for this one since pre-ordering it a month or two ago. COLD STORAGE with Joe Keery Georgina Campbell and Liam Neeson. A comedy horror movie that looked great in the trailer. And the thing about that cast is Georgina Campbell if anything has the horror chops of the three – Barbarian, the Watchers, Bird box, Influencers, Psycho Killer and has The Shepherd coming out too. We also have Ellora Torchia from Midsommar as Abigail

So to the plot, when a highly contagious mutating fungus escape a sealed facility, two young employees joined by a grizzled bioterror operative must survive the wildest night shift ever to save humanity from extinction, as the microorganism spreads and destroys everything in its path...

After a strong start in Australia with Sosie Bacon it fell away. I thought it was entertaining but weak, not in any way better than the Bruce Campbell Black Friday effort. The repeated jokes like about a suitcase bomb felt flat, Travis’s talking ghetto, and all the deaths just seemed just ok given the opening in Australia including Hero's suicide.

In short the trailer had all the best bits.

Black Friday I scored 4/10 and I am going to give this the same. Despite some good bursting, the effects were weak, akin to Black Friday, the plot line of Abigail having to help as Richard Brake's Colonel hated Neeson was strange. The dialog was poor and cheesy. I am a bit disappointed to be honest.

Now, it is still head and shoulders above the TUBI shit I could have seen, but I am very disappointed by it and wish I hadn't prepaid for it.

So, yes, it is a 4/10 for me. Very meh. Average at best.

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PLAY THIS MOVIE LOUD!

The soundtrack is by Pungent Stench, Evit 13, Dead World, Brutality, Disrupt, Mortician, Pyogenesis, Candiru, Winter, and Dismember. If you don’t know who they are, just check grandma's record collection, and it follows a group of bad acting metal heads Brad, Tony, Johnny, Kathy and Angel as Brad wins a contest to get the latest album by his favourite band Living Corpse. The cassette includes a unique song that is not available anywhere else in the world. A song, that when played turns Brad, Tony and Kathy into zombies at the beckon call of the band.

So is it virus or voodoo? It is definitely voodoo. And this makes sense to me as the zombies are just slow shuffling looking humans, staring and with dark rings around the eyes. Whilst some reviewers slagged the FX off for not being either bloody Fulci zombies, or blue Romero zombies, I think this is absolutely, and probably accidentally, in keeping with the style of voodoo zombies.

Anyway, Angel must save the guys by playing the song backwards, and all the while a serial killer is bear hugging people to death in a Richard Nixon mask. Tricky Dicky indeed.

I would have hated it more if I hadn't just seen Hsien of the Dead, and so this is going to be a 2.5/10 for me, on par with Pro Wrestlers versus Zombies. Which may sound bad, but there are over 30 movies below it in our list.

Maybe not avoid if you like bad b-moves with a heavy metal theme.

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The elation of finding a movie from our 42nd country was short lived within the first ten seconds of Hsien of the Dead, Singapore's Shaun of the Dead from 2012 and a supposed comedy. Although it was as funny as a road accident. This was awful, just plain awful. The 5.4/10 on IMDB is a reflection of a few idiots giving it 10 and then plenty of people giving it 1/10, and that was only because you can't give 0.

With the worst level of amateur acting, bad shot choices, poor camera quality, terrible effects, and pointless plot lines, Hsien, a young army enlistee, Ah Huay a cosplaying martial artist, Edward a porn sensor in the ministry of propaganda, and receptionist Hana all fight their way to meet up in a parking garage, before going out, then back to the parking garage, with the idea of getting off the island on a boat.

There is very little to redeem this movie. It is as if random people from the street were asked to ad lib scenes without talking about it before, and with total strangers. The toy helicopter, the cardboard chainsaw, and the terrorist were all low lights in a movie that had perhaps two amusing jokes, dozens of extras, and that I hated. This was 73 minutes of my life that I won't get back, and you can thank me for taking this one for the team.

It is the worst movie we have seen since Oasis of Zombies, that at least has the permanence of still being around 50+ years later. Avoid this one. It was not one of those movies that are so bad it was good. This was just so bad.

1/10