The Truth About Complex Shame

Welcome to the Called to Love Podcast!

This week I am joined with Dr. Zoe Shaw. Dr. Zoe is a licensed psychotherapist, author, speaker and an expert on what she calls “Complex Shame”. She is also a busy mom of five kids, and actually part of her story is being a birth-mom. We talk a lot about being adoptive and foster parents, and this conversation gives us a small glimpse of a birth-mom’s experience. For Dr. Zoe, it was an experience filled with shame.

This episode is all about unpacking that: shame. All of us experience shame to different degrees, in fact its origins can be seen in the first few chapters of Genesis, where Adam and Eve are ashamed and hide from God. That is how Dr. Zoe describes and differentiates shame and guilt: shame is when we hide. Shame can be destructive and impact our relationships.

This is incredibly important for us to understand as parents, to navigate our own shame, and also to help us better understand our kids’ shame.

Here are a few key takeaways:

• Shame causes us to hide and affects our relationships.
• There is a difference between guilt and shame.
• Guilt can lead to positive change, while shame distances us from God.
• Complex shame is often tied to past trauma and experiences.
• Recognizing our shame story is crucial for self-worth.
• Healthy emotional boundaries allow for better relationships.
• Walking alongside children helps them process their feelings.
• Writing can be a powerful tool for communication with children.
• Repairing relationships requires acknowledging our own shame.
• Healing from shame is a journey that involves vulnerability.

Connect more with Dr. Zoe Shaw on her website or on instagram.

You can also buy her new book, “Stronger in the Difficult Places: Heal Your Relationship with Yourself by Untangling Complex Shame”

Christian Parenting’s latest resource: Friday Favorites Newsletter

You can email me your questions about adoption and foster care at [e-mail]. I'd love to connect with you on Instagram or send you my monthly newsletter with free resources and first access to episodes and more!