The Truman Show

Pals... You can't speak, because we can't hear you. We are the creators of a podcast that gives hope and joy and inspiration to millions. And you? You're the listeners. Is any of this real? We are real. That's what makes us so good to listen to. Now, believe us, Pals: there's no more truth out there than there is in this pod we created for you. Same lies. The same deceit. But in our world, you have nothing to fear. We know you better than you know yourself. We are the podcast in your head! You're afraid. That's why you can't stop listening. It's okay, Pals. We understand. We have been talking to you your whole life. We were talking when you were listening on Spotify. We were talking when you took your first step... towards watching us on YouTube. We've talked to you every day of your lives. Heh heh. We've always been there, ever since the time when we threw our first pal, heh heh... You can't leave, listener. You belong here... with us. Don't talk to us. Don't say anything. Hell, shut the f%4k up, goddammit! We're doing a podcast! We're live to the whole world!

And of course, in case we don't see ya, good Pal-ternoon, good Pal-vening and good Pal!