As a therapist, Kylee Shields knows that most cultural models for grief fall short when it comes to the full spectrum of loss we experience in life. She likes the term "ambiguous loss," which was coined by psychologist Pauline Boss in the 1970s to describe losses without clear beginnings or endings—someone physically present but psychologically absent (dementia), or physically absent but psychologically present (missing persons, deployment). There's no funeral, no casseroles, no public acknowledgment, no timeline for when you're supposed to "get over it"—which creates its own special loneliness.

Today, Kylee joins us to explore another type of ambiguous loss: grieving something you never had. As she puts it, "Nobody knows what to do with somebody who has lost the thing they never had." For singles, this might mean mourning the marriage that didn't happen, the children you didn't have, the family story you always pictured. Kylee shares how naming this grief has expanded her empathy and inspired her to create "belonging places" where people can talk about life's "unspeakable" aspects—including through her own podcast, The Belonging Place.

Our conversation ventures into unexpected territory, including what we're calling "ambiguous joy"—those gifts and freedoms that emerge from paths we never chose but rarely get acknowledged or celebrated. Turns out joy, like grief, can be surprisingly complicated to hold.

The promise of technology is that it can extend human capacity and even help us transcend biological limitations. But when it comes to human relationships, does it actually strengthen our capacity to love, commit, and build families, or does it quietly erode our capacity to be together? This is a live question, as digital and medical technologies increasingly shape how we meet, fall in love, marry, and have children (or don’t.) That’s not to mention the specter of AI-mediated romance.Today’s guest, Carl Youngblood, founded the Mormon Transhumanist Association in 2006 to host conversations between the seemingly disparate worlds of faith and technological advancement. Each year, the association convenes an annual conference and smaller gatherings where the aims of technological enhancement and spiritual development are explored side by side—sometimes reinforcing each other, sometimes colliding head-on.

On today’s episode of The Soloists, Carl shares about on a recent conference he attended in Berkeley, California that focused on reproductive technologies and the future of human enhancement—topics that might sound like science fiction but are edging closer to scientific reality. While we hope to dig into the details in a future conversation, this one centers on more fundamental questions: Should we feel hopeful or despairing about humanity’s technological trajectory? Is the promise of transhumanism—that we can steer our own evolution—visionary or dangerously hubristic? Are we creating a better world, or new, unintended problems for future generations to untangle?You'll probably feel at the end of this conversation, like we did, that we've barely scratched the surface. We hope to have future conversations with Carl and others about how technology will shape the future of family and all our other relationships.

In her forthcoming book, sex therapist and new author Jennifer Finlayson-Fife will be making the case that sexual and spiritual wholeness are inseparably connected. Jennifer has helped thousands of couples to reach deeper levels of intimacy and joy by illuminating this connection in her teaching and coaching. But what does this mean for people who don’t find themselves in straightforward romantic relationships? How should singles relate to sexuality, especially in a religious subculture that forbids many forms of sexual expression outside marriage? In this episode of The Soloists, Jennifer joins Diana and Mallory to discuss.

Ultimately, Jennifer argues, erotic intimacy requires integrity, no matter our situation. Integrity requires grappling with a complex moral landscape. She explains her three-stage model of moral development, from the obedience of childhood to the belonging-focused conformity of adolescence, to the conscience-driven integrity of mature adulthood. Naturally, these stages introduce conflicting moral impulses. Yet "We should never let obedience or loyalty interfere with our conscience," she says. "Our conscience is primary."

For singles grappling with the law of chastity, Jennifer reframes the conversation around what it means to be honest about life and at peace with your sexuality—whether you're having sex or not. She also challenges the idea that pleasure and indulgence are the same thing. "Are our pleasures opening up our souls or shutting them down?" she asks. "Do they make us feel truer to ourselves and to our core, or are they a betrayal of ourselves?" Even for couples, she reminds, "the quality of your relationships is directly proportional to your tolerance for not getting what you want.”