Today on SelfWork, we're talking with a mother and father whose beloved daughter Ella, at age 24, died by suicide. And how they've dedicated their lives to suicide prevention.

I was introduced to Martha and Chris Thomas through a family member who told me about their daughter’s suicide. They’ve chosen a path, along with their son Solomon, an NFL football player, to try and keep any other family from living through the horrific pain they've experienced. And more importantly, to keep others who might be going through what Ella was experiencing to consider suicide.

First and foremost, they've created a non-profit suicide prevention website as well as offering many programs through it; It's called The Defensive Line. And they are reaching coaches, teachers, families - anyone who might not understand the pressure that young people, especially young people of color, are trying to handle.

Not only are they incredibly transparent about their own individual struggles. Solomon, who plays professional football battled suicidal thoughts himself after Ella’s death. Martha went to his NFL team leadership to help her help her son, “I can’t lose another child.” She realized that he might greatly resent her for that. But had to take the chance.

And Chris - drowning himself in alcohol to cope – and realizing that was far from the way he could honor Ella. Now he's sober and working alongside Martha and Solomon to reach more young people, especially young people of color. Ella’s struggles were complex, but some were rooted in the fact that she was biracial. She also experienced a brutal rape, which she kept a secret for years.

I’m honored to introduce the SelfWork audience to this family. Their ongoing mission is to speak anywhere and do anything they can to stop anyone from dying by suicide. Martha says quite fervently, “Ella should be alive.” Sadly, the way she is alive is through the dedication and love her family have for her.

I almost feel as if I know Ella. And hopefully, you will too. And realize that you can never take for granted that someone is “okay” because they seem “okay.”

If you want to find out how to heal your mind through your body, this interview with the very kind and compassionate Karden Rabin is a must-listen.

Drawing on decades of research in neuroplasticity, psychology, trauma, behavior, clinical experience with clients, and their own personal journeys of recovering from chronic illness and pain, Jennifer and Karden teach readers how to learn and ‘speak’ the language of the nervous system. Following a simple yet powerful approach called A I R, readers are guided through three stages of regulation:

• Awareness: Listening to the messages in your body through breath, action, sensations, emotions, and language.
• Interruption: stopping the unhelpful patterns in your nervous system and modifying the responses to achieve regulation
• Redesign: rewiring the habits that have been keeping you stuck in order to settle and heal your nervous system, mind and body.

Complete with helpful illustrations of somatic exercises, THE SECRET LANGUAGE OF THE BODY offers a revolutionary look at how we can treat chronic mental and physical illness and empowers us all to unlock the secret language of the nervous system.

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You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to camouflage underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by anyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Emotional manipulation can be hard to figure out. But when you do, it's also hard to know what to do about it.

So today, I’m going to use two such questions from listeners to give you some ideas. First is from a mom who took care of her granddaughter a lot early on – and now feels that her daughter and her relationship has become toxic and the daughter is withholding her child from her.

Second is from a woman who has “lots” kids with a man she’s been married to for many years. But she also writes that he's intensely enmeshed with his parents, choosing to spend much time with them over her, their kids, and/or her parents. And then blames her for not supporting him. What she seems to be describing is not having any true trust or shared goals with her husband.

Here are three helpful questions to ask yourself is you're the victim of emotional manipulation:

• How do you figure out you’re being manipulated?
• What are you afraid will happen if you confront the manipulation? .
• If you choose to act, what’s a healthy way to move forward?
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• Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
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• Midi Health is a women's clinic, designed specifically for women's needs, and it's likely to be covered by your insurance! Go to https://trymidi.com/selfwork and then add Save 15 for $15 off your first order!
• 
  
• Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!
• 
  
• You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
• My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
• There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!