In this deeply personal solo episode, Salma reflects on the two heartbreaks that changed her life (one romantic, one a friendship) and the painful realization that she was the one who ended them.

Two years ago, after losing her family, moving 19 times, living in survival mode, and spiraling through manic travel, chaos, and sexual hunger, Salma met two people who were sweet, sensitive, and safe. And when things started to feel intimate…she panicked.

For the first time, she explores her avoidant attachment - not the anxious narrative she used to blame men for, but the part of her that burns things down when they get too good. She opens up about how she pushed away Joaquin (the only man in America she’s slept with), how she sabotaged her friendship with Didi, and how her nervous system (dysregulated, grieving, and terrified of real intimacy) made her mistake sweetness for danger.

This episode includes excerpts from letters exchanged between Salma and her therapist as they closed two years of therapy together. It’s raw. It’s recent. And it’s the most honest she’s been about her patterns.

She talks about:

• Growing up in dysfunction and confusing chaos for connection
• Why her avoidance shows up when things are going well, NOT during conflict
• Trauma bonding vs. true intimacy
• Sexual imprinting, jealousy, and nervous system dysregulation
• Celibacy after heartbreak and assault
• Learning to “stay” instead of explode
• The difference between chasing unavailable men and allowing real love to bloom
• Being the first woman in her bloodline to choose a life not structured around marriage

Now, Salma is in uncharted territory: practicing slowness, living in her present reality in New York, and allowing a new connection to unfold without control, sabotage, or fantasy.

This episode is a love letter to Joaquin & Didi.
I’m sorry I lost you.

Recorded February 16, the last day of The Year of the Snake.

CREDITS:

Host & Creator: Salma Hindy

Executive Producer: Salma Hindy

Associate Producer: Rania Harris

Writer & Editor: Salma Hindy

Studio: 30 Irving Studios

Artwork: Rana Omar

© The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women, 2026

Instagram: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen

YouTube: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen

HOST'S INSTAGRAM: @salma.hindy

HOST'S TIKTOK: @salma.hindy

What does it really mean to “obey your parents”? And what happens when obedience becomes suffocation?

In this pillar episode, Salma is joined by an anonymous guest, Fatima, for a deeply honest conversation about emotional enmeshment, delayed adulthood, and what it actually takes to cut the cord. Fatima grew up in a close-knit Arab Muslim family in the U.K. where independence was only acceptable through marriage. Despite being asexual and aromantic - and having no interest in men - she was taught that the only way out of her parents’ house was as a wife.

What followed was a years-long attempt to do everything right: changing careers (from architecture to engineering to teaching) to appear more “wife-friendly,” tolerating constant scrutiny, and engaging in the arranged marriage process as an exit strategy rather than a desire. That path ultimately led to a breaking point when Fatima was GHOSTED AT HER KATB KITAB (Islamic Wedding) and then blamed by her parents, accused of wrongdoing, and subjected to even more control. It was then that she realized what so many adult children eventually learn: there is no finish line, no amount of obedience that guarantees peace, and no way to make your parents happy by sacrificing yourself.

In this episode, Fatima walks us through the practical, financial, and emotional steps she took to move out of her parents’ house, including how she secretly saved money, planned her exit, managed guilt, and rebuilt her life afterward. Salma weaves in her own experience of individuation, grief, and the disorienting freedom that comes after leaving and rebuilding a life without parental guardrails.

This conversation is for anyone who keeps asking, “How do I actually get out?” If this episode stirs up anger, grief, or urgency in you, that doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re waking up.

This is a pillar episode of the podcast. If you listen to only one, let it be this one.

CREDITS:

Host & Creator: Salma Hindy
Executive Producer: Salma Hindy
Editor: Salma Hindy
Artwork: Rana Omar

© The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women, 2025

Instagram: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen

YouTube: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen

HOST'S INSTAGRAM: @salma.hindy

HOST'S TIKTOK: @salma.hindy

In this solo episode, Salma Hindy recounts attending a sex club in Berlin, where a man violated her and then tried to disappear - only to be confronted months later, unexpectedly, at a comedy show in New York. She reflects on what it meant to call him out publicly on stage, reclaiming a sense of power she didn’t realize she’d lost. She reflects on the first feeling she noticed immediately following the assault: not anger that he crossed her boundaries, but sadness that he had left.

She walks through the reality of sex clubs and sex parties beyond fantasy: leaving phones at the door, navigating explicitly sexual environments without pressure to participate, and choosing observation over access. Salma speaks candidly about vaginismus, bodily boundaries, two years of celibacy, and how her body understands trust long before her mind does.

Despite what happened in Berlin, she still chose to attend a sex party in Beverly Hills a month later: a very different experience shaped by a consent assembly, brief but confronting eye-contact exercises, and an atmosphere built around communication rather than coercion. There was also the frivolous indulgence: getting her first STD test, watching a close friend have a threesome, rope performers, sensual complimentary massages, squirting competitions, kinky dungeons, queer kisses, and being offered lots of drugs (a sex-party love language).

With humor, softness, and clarity, Salma explores the difference between sexual freedom and sexual obligation, what safety actually feels like in sexual spaces, why being in a sexual environment doesn’t mean owing anyone access to your body, and why wanting tenderness (even in the most explicit environments) isn’t naïve, but deeply human.

CREDITS:

Host & Creator: Salma Hindy
Executive Producer: Salma Hindy
Cinematographer: Ian Ritter
Studio: 30 Irving Studios
Editor: Salma Hindy

Writer: Salma Hindy
Artwork: Rana Omar

© The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women, 2025

Instagram: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen

YouTube: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen

HOST'S INSTAGRAM: @salma.hindy

HOST'S TIKTOK: @salma.hindy