The Reckoning Part 7: You Don't Love Them. You Love How They Confirm Your Narrative.

Have you ever wondered if what you call love is actually just an addiction to validation? This provocative deep dive explores the uncomfortable truth many of us face: we often confuse narrative alignment for genuine connection.

When relationships end, we tell ourselves we loved them. But did we truly love the person, or were we attached to how they made us feel? Validated, needed, desired, safe in our story? There's a profound difference between authentic love and what might be better described as "identity maintenance." Real love doesn't just comfort your ego, it confronts it.

Most of us claim to love unconditionally, yet our love typically comes with invisible terms. We become attached to people who reflect flattering versions of ourselves back to us. When they stop playing their assigned role, our feelings often fade. This isn't coincidence, it's casting. We subconsciously recruit partners who fit our emotional scripts, perpetuating patterns established long before they entered our lives. If you identify as a fixer, you'll find the broken. If you're the "strong one," you'll attract those who need your strength.

What we call chemistry is frequently just two complementary wounds recognizing each other. The anxious-avoidant dance feels magnetic, not because it's meant to be, but because it's predictable. Your brain releases dopamine when it encounters familiar patterns, even painful ones. You're not cursed with bad luck in love; you're simply replaying emotional equations learned from your earliest relationships.

Genuine connection survives dissonance. It doesn't demand you follow the same script forever or punish growth because it shifts dynamics. It helps you outgrow the version of yourself you've already outlived. Take a moment today to identify which role you habitually play in relationships: the fixer, victim, caretaker, achiever, rebel? Then ask yourself: what would happen if I let that role go? That's where real love begins. Beyond the echo chamber, beyond the narrative, in the messy, beautiful reality of authentic connection.

Ready to break free from narrative addiction and discover what lies beyond your relationship scripts? Listen now and challenge everything you thought you knew about love.

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