The Push and Pull of Disorganized Attachment - Breaking the Cycle

In this episode of Dear Melanin KD, I dive deep into the raw reality of living with a disorganized attachment style—the constant push and pull between craving love and running from it. I unpack how my childhood experiences, shaped by emotional starvation and inconsistent caregiving, still affect my relationships today.

I explore the internal battle of wanting deep connections while fearing vulnerability, how I’ve pushed away people who have shown me unwavering love and consistency, and the guilt I feel knowing it’s not fair to them. Even though I haven’t seen some of my closest friends in years, they continue to be there for me, waiting at the end of the tunnel when I finally emerge. But why do I struggle to show up for them in the way I want to? Am I afraid of getting hurt, or is it something deeper?

This episode is an honest reflection on the cycle of choosing the wrong people, fearing the right ones, and the deep-seated wounds that make love feel both necessary and terrifying. I also talk about my desire to break free from this cycle because time waits for no one, and I don’t want to live my life wondering what if.

If you’ve ever felt trapped between wanting love and fearing it, this episode is for you. Let’s unpack this together.