The Problem with "Just Be Nice"

In this episode, Kari and Lisa take a closer look at the phrase "just be nice" and the cultural conditioning behind it—especially for women. They explore how niceness often masks self-silencing, emotional disconnection, and fear of conflict, while true kindness is rooted in clarity, courage, and respect. Drawing from the work of Glennon Doyle, Brené Brown, Harriet Lerner, and Resmaa Menakem—as well as research from TIME Magazine, the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, and the Newport Institute—they unpack the emotional and even physical toll of chronic niceness. With humor, honesty, and some serious fire, this conversation redefines what it means to be kind without abandoning yourself. They also reference Antoinette Griffin’s video on the difference between nice and kind, and invite listeners to let go of performative likability in favor of deeper authenticity.

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