The "Nice Guy" Syndrome: Why You Are Secretly Manipulative

Are you exhausted from doing everything for everyone? Do you feel resentful when people don't return your favors?

In this 60-minute deep dive, I'll expose the dark psychology of the "Nice Guy" Syndrome and People Pleasing. We aren't just talking about being polite; we are talking about how your "kindness" is often a manipulative strategy to avoid conflict and buy love.

We break down Covert Contracts (the hidden agreements you make in your head), the Fawn Trauma Response, and why Jesus wasn't actually "nice." We also explore Locus of Control, the Extinction Burst (what happens when you finally say "No"), and why the "Nice Guy" strategy is actually destroying your dating life.

If you are ready to kill the martyr, set real boundaries, and stop living for everyone else's approval, this episode is the episode you need.

🟢 Follow for more hard-hitting psychology & truth!

____

🧠 KEY CONCEPTS EXPLAINEDCovert Contracts: Unspoken agreements where you do something "nice" for someone expecting a specific reaction in return, leading to resentment when they don't comply.

The Fawn Response: A trauma response (alongside Fight, Flight, Freeze) where a person seeks safety by appeasing and pleasing the threat/abuser.

Locus of Control: The psychological concept of whether you believe you control your own life (Internal) or if you believe outside forces/people control your worth (External).Extinction Burst: A temporary increase in negative behavior (tantrums, guilt trips) from others when you first stop reinforcing their behavior (i.e., when you set a boundary).

____📚 REFERENCES & RESOURCES
- No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover- The Shadow concepts by Carl Jung- The Karpman Drama Triangle (Rescuer, Victim, Persecutor)- Evolutionary Psychology of Mating Strategies- Scripture: 2 Timothy 1:7, Matthew 21 (Jesus in the Temple)

____Disclaimer: I am a psychologist in training. This content is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you are struggling with severe mental health issues, please seek a licensed professional.

____TIMESTAMPS (Jump to the Hard Truth):

0:00 - The Hook: The Nice Guy is a Liar

1:37 - The Fawn Response: Why Trauma Makes You a People Pleaser

2:44 - Covert Contracts: How You Manipulate with Generosity

3:39 - The Validation Vacuum: Internal vs. External Locus of Control

5:01 - The Shadow: The Monster in the Basement

6:04 - Family Systems: The Parentified Child

7:09 - Dating Psychology: Why Women Reject "Nice Guys" (Evolutionary Biology)

8:15 - Biblical Truth: Why Jesus Wasn't "Nice" (Meekness vs. Weakness)

8:42 - The Power of "NO" (Boundaries)

9:55 - Assertiveness Training

10:49 - The Extinction Burst: What Happens When You Finally Stand Up

11:32 - Be a Monster (Then Control It)

13:34 - Conclusion