If last week’s card was a mess on paper, this week’s show is the remedy. The alternative stats are terrific, the fights look exciting, and matchmaking is sensible. I don’t know why people are pushing for Ankalaev to be traded, he’s some such a long way and continues to be more impressive with each contest. Maybe it’s just the idea that he’s killed Poata…

UFC Perth was a miserable card on paper and there’s no two ways about it. The stats were awful, but more importantly, the matmaking was too. Having a single ranked fight on an event where Australia pays through the nose in site fees is just so wrong, and the Aussies responded with their wallets, tanking sales to where UFC was practically giving away the…

The stats are speaking volumes of UFC Perth this week. A sprawling, 14-bout card only has a single ranked fight gracing its lineup and only three ranked fighters in total. When you factor in how much the Aussies are likely paying in site fees—let’s just say I’d be asking for a steep discount.

The main event looks like it will be a fun, action fight and …

UFC is taking another break, and this time, it seems it’s just so they can rest from all their promotional and matchmaking heavy lifting (said that with so much snark I almost passed out). Our analysts are all here to give you a rousing blend of apathy, disdain, and unadulterated boredom. This week’s awful fights is a collection of Mark Kerr’s contests,…

UFC Noche didn’t have the star quality it should have for a card of the magnitude a “Noche” event is supposed to but it did deliver action in some of the fights. From the opening bout, we were treated to an electrifying TKO from Daniil Donchenko, and another from Alden Coria. For comic relief, we were treated to Dominick Cruz thinking Alice Periera was actually Aline Pereira, and we didn’t have to watch an entire Sedriques Dumas bout since that one ended in a NC thanks to an accidental low blow.

Dusko Todorovic finally got the slump-breaker he desperately needed when he finished Jose Medina and Tatiana Suarez scored a unanimous decision over Amanda Lemos. Quang Le got starched and Alex Hernandez beat Diego Ferreira within an inch of his life thanks to a referee that clearly liked live action snuff films.

Kelvin Gastelum won a fairly comfortable decision over Dustin Stolzfus and can now go back to the buffet with his crazy hot wife. Rafa Garcia stopped Jared Gordon in the third, and Rob Font got outworked by David Martinez who took the win via unanimous decision.

Finally, the last Fighting Nerd with an undefeated UFC record got starched with a spinning elbow dealt by Diego Lopes, thus sealing the fate of the once undefeated team (inside the octagon). I feel like Zane’s early precognition about this team was spot on. Vindication! Now, let’s check out the rest of the results and bonuses while we’re here.

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UFC Noche Results

* 145 lbs.: Diego Lopes vs. Jean Silva — Lopes def. Silva by TKO (spinning back elbow and ground strikes), round 2 (4:48)

* 135 lbs.: Rob Font vs. David Martinez — Martinez def. Font by unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)

* 155 lbs.: Rafa Garcia vs. Jared Gordon — Garcia def. Gordon by TKO (ground strikes), round 3 (2:27)

* 185 lbs.: Kelvin Gastelum vs. Dustin Stoltzfus — Gastelum def. Stolzfus by unanimous decision (30-27, 29-28, 29-28)

* 155 lbs.: Alexander Hernandez vs. Diego Ferreira — Hernandez def. Ferreira by TKO (punches), round 2 (3:46)

* 135 lbs.: Santiago Luna vs. Quang Le — Luna def. Le by KO (punches), round 1 (2:48)

* 185 lbs.: Jose Medina vs. Dusko Todorovic — Todorovic def. Medina by submission (rear naked choke), round 1 (4:21)

* 155 lbs.: Claudio Puelles vs. Joaquim Silva — Silva def. Puelles by split decision (29-28, 28-29, 29-28)

* 115 lbs.: Tatiana Suarez vs. Amanda Lemos — Suarez def. Lemos by unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)

* 125 lbs.: Jesus Aguilar vs. Luis Gurule — Aguilar def. Gurule (30-27, 29-28, 29-28)

* 185 lbs.: Zach Reese vs. Sedriques Dumas — Reese vs. Dumas ends in a no contest (accidental low blow), round 1 (0:51)

* 125 lbs.: Alessandro Costa vs. Alden Coria — Coria def. Costa by TKO (punches), round 3 (0:47)

* 135 lbs.: Montserrat Rendon vs. Alice Pereira — Rendon def. Pereira by split decision (28-29, 29-28, 30-27)

* 170 lbs.: Rodrigo Sezinando vs. Daniil Donchenko — Donchenko def. Sezinando by TKO (punches), round 1 (4:27)

UFC Noche Bonuses

* FOTN:

* POTN:

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UFC Noche has 14 fights but only two are ranked. That’s how we’re going to start you off today. This year’s Noche event had its “PPV” moniker removed thanks to Canelo-Crawford taking center stage with TKO’s best efforts at promotion and the event’s lineup absolutely show it. The main event is good. The co-main isn’t really co-main worthy and isn’t a ran…

UFC Paris is what an on-the-road fight night should look like. It has thoughtful, meaningful matchmaking (at least on the main card), a main event that looks like a title eliminator, and the potential for action. We don’t know what Bukauskas-Craig is doing on there, but aside from that contest, the premium portion of the event looks pretty damned good. …

UFC is taking another break, this time for Labor Day. Our analysts are all here to give you a rousing blend of snark, disdain, and unadulterated apathy. This week’s awful fights is the triumvirate of heavyweight hopefuls. The fights come from UFC on ESPN+ 9, UFC Fight Night 82: Hendricks vs. Thompson, and UFC 120, with the events respective to the order…