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Tyrion and company are all but sunk by a fearsome storm after being becalmed for weeks. Be careful what you wish for. They’re rescued by, what even the nose-less can tell is a slave-ship. Mackelly and Simon move things from the frying pan into the fire.

Chapter Review:
Tyrion Lannister, Penny, and Jorah Mormont are still aboard the Selaesori Qhoran AKA “the Stinky Steward.” It’s been becalmed for nearly two weeks and the sailors are beginning to question if Tyrion and Penny are actually lucky. They are also eyeing Pretty Pig with hungry looks.

To distract and amuse them, Tyrion agrees to joust with Penny. He’s kind of hopeless, but she points out that that is rather the point. Afterward, he goads Mormont about his plans for Tyrion and Daenerys until the knight knocks Tyrion’s tooth out. A pyrrhic victory right there.

Finally a wind picks up, but it portends an almighty storm and Moqorro admits that the ship was never going to reach Qarth, not because it was going to redirect to Meereen, but because this storm was going to destroy it. The storm is immense and the ships is ruined. It comes through still afloat but with no mast, no Moqorro, flooded lower sections, and no hope of survival. But a ship is spotted headed their way. Unfortunately, as it nears Mormont is able to guess from the stench that it is a slave ship.

Characters/Places/Names/Events:
Tyrion Lannister - Youngest son of Tywin Lannister whom he murdered. Brother to queen Cersei and Jamie Lannister. Former Hand of the King.
Ser Jorah Mormont - Twice-disgraced knight of the Seven Kingdoms. In love with Daenerys Targaryen.
Benerro - High priest of R’hllor in Volantis.
Moqorro - Priest of R’hllor.
Penny - Dwarf who performed at Joffrey’s wedding. Her brother Oppo was murdered.
Selaesori Qhoran - Trading cog. The ugliest ship Tyrion has ever seen. Her name means “fragrant steward.”

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Jon sends Val to Tormund Giantsbane with terms. In a shocking turn of events, Jon’s advisers disagree with the plan. Simon and Mackelly would like to remind Jon, well his advisers actually, of what befell Janos Slynt, and why.

Chapter Review:
Lord Commander Jon Snow escorts Val through the Wall. She’s headed north to find Tormund Giantsbane and offer him safe passage through the Wall if he’ll follow the expected rules - don’t kill everyone and help defend the Wall. She’s confident that she’ll find him, but less sure of how he’ll receive the message. She wants Jon to look after the baby, whom she’s dubbed Monster, as she’s certain that Melisandre has seen through the baby-swap deceit.

Back at the Wall, Jon’s breakfast is disturbed by Bowen Marsh, Othell Yarwick, and Septon Cellador. They don’t like to complain about everything, but the men are grumbling. They don’t want Leathers as the new Master-at-Arms, nor Satin as Jon’s steward. Jon doesn’t care. They don’t like Val’s mission. Jon doesn’t care. They don’t think more Wildlings should be admitted. Jon doesn’t care.

They worry about Jon’s (as yet unspoken) plans for Hardhome, a haunted town north of the Wall where it is rumored that the refugee free folk are amassing. Again Jon has to remind them that anyone who dies north of the Wall is going to come back to haunt them. They just don’t get it.

Characters/Places/Names/Events:
Jon Snow - Bastard son of Ned Stark. Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch.
Val - Sister-in-law to Mance Rayder. Wrongly perceived as a princess by Stannis.
Bowen Marsh - Lord Steward of the Night’s Watch and oft-times critic of Jon Snow’s decisions.
Othell Yarwick - First Builder of the Night’s Watch.
Septon Cellador - Septon of Castle Black.
Iron Emmet - Ranger of the Night’s Watch and Master at Arms of Castle Black.
Dolorous Edd - Brother of the Night’s Watch and friend and steward to Jon Snow.
Ghost - Jon’s direwolf.
Castle Black - Headquarters of the Night’s Watch.

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Jeyne Poole marries Ramsay Bolton at Winterfell. Theon gives her away, Wyman Manderly supplies the victuals, Abel serenades the newlyweds, and Barbrey Dustin steals Simon’s best material. Simon and Mackelly reminisce about the good old days.

Chapter Review:
Theon Greyjoy encourages Jeyne Poole to never drop her facade, she must be Arya Stark. He escorts her to the godswood where Ramsay Bolton and the gathered northern lords await. The ceremony takes only a few moments despite a last second unspoken entreaty by Jeyne, to which Theon hardens his heart. Theon hears his name from the heart tree, and hurries out of there.

The wedding feast features three enormous pies supplied by Wyman Manderly. Roose Bolton watches to see that the lord of White Harbor takes a bite before he partakes. Lady Barbrey Dustin confides her suspicions to Theon: Wyman is a craven who hates his new friends, Roose Bolton has aspirations to be King in the North, and that maesters aren’t to be trusted.

Ramsay forces Theon to take part in the rape of Jeyne. Her future looks awfully bleak.

Characters/Places/Names/Events:
Reek - Broken shell of Theon Greyjoy.
Ramsay Bolton - Newly legitimized son of Roose Bolton. Nasty piece of work.
Roose Bolton - Lord of the Dreadfort and Warden of the North.
Arya Stark - Youngest daughter of Ned and Catelyn Stark. Princess of Winterfell.
Jeyne Poole - Married to Ramsay Bolton masquerading as Arya Stark.
Barbrey Dustin - Lady of House Dustin.
Wyman Manderly - Lord of White Harbor.

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All Music credits to Ross Bugden:
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YOUTUBE! : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kthxycmF25M