Valerie Jones joins me for a powerful conversation about something so many of us need to hear: redefining what it truly means to be selfish. Valerie is a life coach, host of The Selfish Woman Podcast, and the author of the upcoming book The Selfish Year: The Power of Choosing Yourself, hitting shelves in September 2025.

In our conversation, Valerie shares the transformative experience of her own "selfish year" after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship — a year that challenged her to get radically honest with herself and stop outsourcing her self-worth. We also dive into dating as a self-growth experiment (yes, really!), how emotional safety shapes our experiences of sex and intimacy, and why centering ourselves is not only radical, but absolutely necessary.

Here’s what else we get into, in this episode:

• Why Valerie chose “selfish” as her word of the year and how it became a life-changing framework (5:38)
• What Valerie’s recovery from people-pleasing looked like, and how it shows up in her work and life today (15:26)
• Emotional safety is non-negotiable for sex and intimacy (25:39)
• How to start trusting yourself again after emotional abuse (32:25)

Learn more about Val Jones: Valerie Jones is a Life Coach for women who are ready to create the life they truly desire. She is on a mission to redefine the word selfish, and help women learn how to prioritize themselves. Through her proven methods based in neuroscience, Valerie has helped thousands of women create better lives and relationships.

Valerie is host of The Selfish Woman Podcast and author of The Selfish Year: The Power of Choosing Yourself. She is known for her direct approach and relatability combined with humor and compassion.

Resources:

Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild Pastures

Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective

Valerie’s website
The Selfish Woman Podcast
Valerie on TikTok
Valerie on Instagram
Valerie on YouTube

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

If you’re stuck in endless loops with a high-conflict ex, Brook Olsen wants you to stop expecting them to change, and start changing how you respond.

Brook is a Certified Parenting Educator, Divorce Coach, and author of The Black Hole of High Conflict. In this conversation, we get real about what happens when you stop feeding the conflict, why parallel parenting is often the only way forward, and how choosing not to engage isn't weakness, it’s clarity.

Plus, Brook offers a framework that isn’t just theory, it’s deeply practical and actionable, especially when the legal system or co-parenting landscape isn’t exactly on your side.

Here’s what else we get into, in this episode:

• Why disengagement is a laddered process, and how to stay in it (8:50)
• The nervous system’s role in conflict and how to regulate your response (10:27)
• What conscious competence looks like in high-stress situations (28:57)
• The difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting (32:52)
• How to stop pushing back and start reclaiming your energy (36:10)

Learn more about Brook Olsen: Brook Olsen is a Certified Parenting Educator with the International Network for Children and Families, a Certified Divorce Mediator, Divorce Coach, and author of The Black Hole of High Conflict, which offers perspectives and strategies for navigating a high conflict divorce.

Brook’s knowledge of how the nervous system works and understanding of the role it plays in psychological and physiological reactions to trauma, conflict and anxiety brings a holistic approach to his work with families caught in the High Conflict cycle.

Brook teaches classes in the High Conflict Diversion Program and trains instructors to teach the Program throughout the U.S. and Canada. He also leads workshops in communication for couples and is a peer consultant for fellow professionals.

Resources & Links:

Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family Wizard
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate

Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective

Brook’s website
Brook’s podcast
The Black Hole of High Conflict
Brook on Instagram
Brook on Facebook

Brook’s Facebook Group for High Conflict Divorce Support

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-320-the-black-hole-of-high-conflict-with-brook-olsen/

April Worthington is a teacher, mother of five, minister, and author of The Debriefing Workbook: Hope and Healing after Spiritual Abuse. In this conversation, April shares her experience involving a retreat led by Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?, a book many of us have clung to in our darkest moments. April’s story isn’t just one of personal harm, it’s a call to action.

As a survivor of both spiritual abuse and high-conflict divorce, April recounts how her initial fan-girl admiration of Bancroft shifted into something far more troubling after an encounter that left her reeling. She shares what unfolded during and after that retreat, the red flags she noticed, and the courage it took to speak out despite the risks.

I'm holding space for April as she brings forward not only her own experience, but those of others who have come to her with eerily similar stories. Her insight challenges us to re-examine what it means to trust "experts," and the danger in handing over our vulnerability to uncredentialed individuals cloaked in guru status.

Here’s what else we get into, in this episode:

• The red flags that emerged during and after the retreat (6:03)
• The emotional fallout of being targeted by someone seen as a “healing” authority (26:24)
• How April is building a support network for other survivors (28:35)
• Why separating the author from their work is no longer an option (36:22)

Learn more about April Worthington: April Worthington is a teacher, mother of five, minister, and author of The Debriefing Workbook: Hope and Healing after Spiritual Abuse.

Resources & Links:

Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild Pastures
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
April on Facebook
April’s YouTube video: A Warning to Women- RUN GIRL! Lundy Bancroft is not your friend!
A Cry for Justice: Lundy Bancroft is a Predator

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-319-when-the-healer-harms-speaking-out-against-lundy-bancroft/