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From an NLP perspective, what are some of the common ways we get stuck in experiences or behavior patterns because we aren’t exercising as much conscious control as we really have?

1. Holding Onto Limiting Beliefs

Tips to overcome this:

An easy way to begin to loosen the effects of a belief is to do Sleight of Mouth. Ep 51, 53.

Take the belief statement with a cause/effect or meaning, and write out the pattern of SOM to change it. This will weaken the belief and make it open to changing into something more positive.

Example: I never get to save money because I spend all that I make.

Your intention is to be responsible and have money for a rainy day.

Has there ever been a time when you were able to save money?

Saving a little is better than saving nothing at all.

2. Engaging in Negative Self-Talk and Internal Dialogue

Tips overcome this:

Monitor your self-talk. Change any negative move-away statement to something that moves towards what you want. Negative self-talk is the result of neuro-grooving. The thought becomes habituated. Change the language to what you want. Punch or Meta reframes are good for this. I can’t change my circumstances. You can change that thought!

Conflict resolution between what you say and something more empowering.

3. Failing to Set Clear, Positive Outcomes

Tips overcome this:

This is the most important principle of getting what you want. A goal or outcome must be stated in positive, active language, self-initiated and maintained, ecological, and demonstrated in see, hear, feel. I’m saving $15 a week. I’m putting it in a place where it is more difficult to access. I am doing this for myself or by myself. I may lose a couple of cups of coffee a week. I see myself putting the money in a special place or transferring it to another account. I see the amount increasing every week. I tell myself that this is easier than I thought it was going to be. I feel a sense of well-being in my chest and smile.

4. Assigning Disempowering Meanings to Experiences

Tips overcome this:

Look at something in a different way, and what does that mean?

Change positions to look at something. What else could this mean?

Ask someone else, a friend or mentor, what else could it mean?

Read the opinions of others and widen your perspective.

Talk to someone you respect and trust for a different way of looking at something.

And write a story about the meaning and experience. Then rewrite it with a more positive perspective.

5. Poor Management of Emotional States

Tips overcome this:

Regular self-care and maintenance

Visualize yourself in happy, calm, confident states

Anchoring negative emotions with positive ones.

Conflict resolution between the present state and the desired state

These are all brief suggestions. Remember that certain problems, especially those that come up over and over again, may need some work with me. Especially dealing with belief issues and meaning perspective, having someone who can guide you through these saves time, effort, and yes, even money. NLP is not necessarily self-applied. Some problems may seem simple but have more complex underlying causes.

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In this podcast short, Susan Stageman shares insights on effective goal-setting and reflects on a helpful exercise she completed in December. She encourages listeners to review their past accomplishments and connect them to current goals, emphasizing the importance of valuing and aligning goals with personal interests. Susan also discusses the value of setting goals outside of work and recommends the book "Orbiting the Giant Hairball" by Gordon McKenzie for those seeking to navigate corporate structures creatively. She concludes by expressing her willingness to assist others in NLP training and encourages listeners to share her podcast with anyone who might benefit from it.

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In this episode of the Brain Language Podcast, Susan and Morgan discussed strategies for managing stress and resetting for the new year. They explored various techniques, including outcome focus, the Circle of Excellence exercise, deep breathing, meditation, and being present. Morgan shared insights on using breath modulation to manage anxiety, while Susan emphasized the importance of setting realistic standards and boundaries. They also discussed the impact of sugar and alcohol on stress levels and suggested going back to regular eating habits for better health. The episode concluded with advice to review 2025 and set goals for 2026 with a clear mind, acknowledging stress as a warning light that requires attention.

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In this episode, we explore anchors and anchoring, a simple to complex process in NLP designed to change our moods and states. Discussed are the different types of anchors, stimulus-response, how anchors work, the importance of anchors, the use of kinesthetic anchors for change, and where to start. Included is an example of a collapsed reality: adding a resource to a problem experience.

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It seems you can lead the horse to water and it will drink! You need patience! Patience is what is necessary to influence and persuade: taking people's maps into new territories.

Matching, pacing, and leading are foundational concepts in NLP, crucial for establishing rapport, understanding another person’s model of the world, and guiding them towards desired outcomes. It’s an important part of many NLP methods and processes, and can often be the key skill to making those processes effective. It’s also a very effective stand-alone tool for enhancing our own communication ability. BUT most people think of the mechanics of MPL, rather than MPL as an art.

MPL is a critical and basic skill that communication is based on. No one is going anywhere if you aren't good at matching and pacing.

Key Points:

· Matching, Pacing, and Leading work together

· If you lead too quickly or too strongly, you can lose rapport and will need to reestablish it through matching and pacing.

· You can match, pace, and lead someone in a brief interaction or over a series of longer interactions.

· You can apply these concepts with your friends and family, work relationships, sales interactions, consulting work, presentations, coaching, therapy, etc.

· Doing this successfully can reduce resistance to new ideas and perspectives, increase choice, and help us and others get what we want more easily.

The podcast also describes an exercise to help strengthen your skills.

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Many people find that as they move through life that they have to shift gears…a new job, a new career, family, divorce, move. Many people are looking for that “new path” when they study NLP.

As we prepare for these shifts, a great way to start is to develop a set of presuppositions and guiding questions to steer the change. This will ensure that the change will stay in place. This is the step before any planning or goal setting, or even belief changes.

This episode is a 5-step process to help you develop these presuppositions and guiding questions.

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NLP for Emotional Regulation

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the capacity to recognize, understand, and navigate your emotions and those of others. It includes Self-Awareness, Emotional Regulation, Motivation, Empathy, and Social Skills.

What is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional Regulation (ER) is a component of EQ strategies for managing their intensity and expression and intentionally creating emotional states you want. ER skills give you greater choice over your emotional experience.

NLP provides a variety of simple, effective, and unique methods and strategies for achieving this.

Why is ER Important?

ER is important because so much of our human experience involves our emotional states. Having the right emotional state for a situation can help us perform better.

NLP Methods for Regulating Emotions

Learning NLP

4-Tuple

Anchoring

Submodality Changes

Swish Patterns

Break State- pattern interrupt

Meta Model

Modeling: sit up straight, smile, look up.

Reframing

Acting as if – one of the foundational pillars of NLP

Pleasant Emotional States

Intentionally experiencing and amplifying states such as:

- Gratitude

- Appreciation

- Peace

- Confidence

- Curiosity:

Having access to pleasant/resourceful states can help us maintain physical and emotional health and energize us during difficult situations or periods in our lives.

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The Not-So-Subtle Art of Complaining

Most of us complain, but is it good or bad? What makes it productive or toxic?

Overview of what will be covered:

• Common language patterns of complaining
• The benefits and downsides of complaining
• How to shift from chronic complaining

The Language of Complaints

This was discovered by using AI to analyze posts on a social media platform that contained complaints. We then used the NLP Meta Model pattern to refine the search and find the 8 most common language patterns in complaints. Four of the most common patterns fit into the Meta Model, and AI discovered four patterns that are unique to complaining.

Discuss the top 8 common language patterns of complaining​:

• Negative Personal Attribution (e.g., “He’s rude,” “They’re such idiots.”) Lost Evaluator or Lost Performative
• Absolute Overgeneralization – Never, Always, Nothing, etc. (“They never listen”) Universal Quantifier
• Modal Operators – Can’t, Should, Need to (“She should know better.”)
• Cause/Effect Statements (“Because they lied, I’m mad,” “He’s late again, so it’s pointless now.”)
• Rhetorical Venting Questions - Why and How (“Why are people so annoying?”)
• Hyperbolic Adverbs – Totally, Absolutely, Completely (“This is totally unfair”)
• “Keeps” Phrases - (“She keeps yelling.” “This keeps happening.”)
• Sarcasm - “Thanks/Good Job” (“Oh, great job!”)

Recognizing these patterns can help us avoid chronic complaining, lessen its negative impact on ourselves, or better understand how to deal with people who complain to us.

The Positive Side of Complaining

• Exploring how complaining can be beneficial​:
• One of the NLP presuppositions is “All behavior is useful in some context.” When does complaining serve a useful purpose?

The Dark Side of Complaining

Strategies to Overcome Chronic Complaining in Ourselves

Key Takeaways:

• Complaining isn’t inherently bad—it depends on the purpose and frequency.
• Recognizing language patterns can help us become more mindful of our complaints.
• Finding balance is key - venting is okay, but chronic negativity is damaging.
• Practical ways to shift from unhelpful complaining to productive problem-solving.

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