Sandra Killebrew is a high-conflict couple therapist with a boutique private practice in Tacoma, WA. She offers therapy intensives for couples in addition to weekly therapy. She likes to get on her soapbox about excellence in therapy, boundaries, telling the truth, even when it hurts, and is not afraid to say fuck. She hosts networking groups in Tacoma & Seattle and is on the board of the International Experiential Dynamic Therapy Association.

• Guest intro: Sandra’s unique style—therapy intensives, strong boundaries, focus on truth-telling, and comfort with conflict.
• Silence in therapy: Why awkward pauses can disarm clients and reveal vulnerability.
• Public scandal discussion: Reflections on power, privilege, and societal judgment (cancel culture parallels).
• Therapist self-disclosure & marketing: Debate over labeling as a “Christian therapist” and how identity marketing affects client expectations.
• Client boundary issues: Stories of invasive consultation questions (“Are you married?” / “Do you believe in God?”) and how they reflect couple dynamics.
• High-acuity training: How early experience with high-crisis clients shapes private practice work.
• Couples therapy dynamics: Why consultations often feel like stepping into a “war zone” and how to hold boundaries.
• Toxic industry norms: Discussion of underqualified providers and the importance of skilled clinical work.

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• Evan shares a personal story from a therapy group where power and bias were misused
• How therapists can be abusive — even to other therapists
• The danger of bringing personal values, beliefs, or shame agendas into the therapy room
• Why opacity (not transparency) can be safer and more ethical for clients
• Reader bias and how it distorts perception in clinical work
• The myth of sexuality as a binary on/off switch
• The shame response and how it gets used as a tool of control
• Why many men feel disempowered in therapy
• Concerns about therapists vetting clients based on values, appearance, or assumptions
• Questions around what “aggressive therapy” really means and who defines it
• Reflections on transference, group process, and emotional safety
• Reminder: Therapy is the client’s space, not the therapist’s platform

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Evan and Melissa do a brief review of the Netflix show "Adolescence," mostly focusing on the third episode and the intervention strategies of the Forensic Psychologist.

• Foresensic Psychologist began with rapport building and quickly shifted to a more authoritarian/contrarian relational tone
• Melissa, wha are poop puppets?
• Truth seeking is not rapport building or important
• Forensic Psychologist becomes dysregulated, fails to co-regulate with client
• The emotional experience of women when male clients become "apish"
• Social media groups and their confirmation biases
• Mom taking responsibility for regulating her husband and implicitly teaching her daughter of a woman's role in the home

Support the show

Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at contactus@tellmeaboutyourmother.run