Do you ever feel like you have to be "right" in order to feel safe? Or that if you could just figure out the answer, the relationship, or the next step, then the anxiety and shame would finally go away?

If so, you're not alone. Many women stuck in co-dependency and complex shame cling to certainty as a way to feel secure—but often it only leaves us more exhausted, more disconnected, and further from ourselves.

In this episode of Stronger in the Difficult Places, I sit down with Stefani Ruper - Oxford-trained philosopher, former Harvard researcher, and author of the forthcoming book The Certainty Cure. Stefani shares why releasing certainty and embracing curiosity can transform the way we see ourselves, our relationships, and our healing journey.

We talk about:

• Why certainty addiction keeps women stuck in cycles of co-dependency and shame
• How uncertainty fuels personal growth and builds resilience
• What curiosity looks like in daily life (even in arguments or moments of shame)
• How to stay grounded when everything feels uncertain
• Practical ways to release the need to be right and rediscover who you are

If you're ready to stop chasing control and start healing by embracing the unknown, this conversation will give you hope and practical steps forward.

Connect with Stefani Ruper:
• Instagram: @stefani.ruper
• Facebook: facebook.com/stefani.ruper
• X: @stefaniruper
• Substack: stefaniruper.substack.com

Resources & Next Steps:

Join the Stronger Woman Collective waitlist: here

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Buy my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend and leave a review. Your reviews help more women untangle shame, break free from co-dependency, and discover the strength to live with curiosity.

We've all been there—wishing someone we love would finally be different. Maybe it's a spouse who won't listen, a parent who won't soften, or a friend who keeps repeating the same destructive patterns. The temptation is to pour our energy into fixing them—but what if the real path to peace and change begins with you?

In this episode, I unpack why clinging to the hope that someone will change can keep you stuck, frustrated, and resentful. I offer practical, compassionate steps for accepting people as they are, protecting your worth with boundaries, and reclaiming your peace.

Because the truth is, the second you change, the entire relationship changes.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why trying to "fix" others only deepens disappointment and conflict
• How radical acceptance creates peace and clarity
• The trap of wasting energy on why someone won't change
• How to set boundaries without losing yourself
• The surprising freedom that comes when you stop needing others to change

Encouragement:

You don't need to wait for someone else to transform before you can breathe again. Peace doesn't come when they change—it comes when you stop needing them to.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Preorder the book Stronger in the Difficult Places (coming September 30, 2025!): drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode.

What do you even call a divorce anniversary? Two years after the end of my marriage, I find myself reflecting—not on celebration, but on growth, healing, and the lessons heartbreak leaves behind. In this deeply personal episode, I'm sharing the three truths divorce taught me about co-dependency and how I'm learning to live and love differently.

Whether you're walking through the rubble of a relationship, navigating the lonely spaces of divorce, or stepping into love again with a hopeful but shaky heart, these lessons are for you.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why self-regulation must come before co-regulation and the practical ways you can ground yourself before leaning on someone else.
• The surprising difference between being alone and being lonely, and how solitude can actually become sacred.
• How boundaries create freedom, why they aren't rejection, but an invitation to authentic love.

This Episode Is For You If…

You've struggled with co-dependency or shame in relationships.
You're navigating divorce, separation, or stepping into new love after loss.
You want to stop abandoning yourself in relationships and learn how to show up fully as you.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Preorder the book Stronger in the Difficult Places (coming September 30, 2025!): drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Share this episode with a friend who needs a reminder: you are not too much, and you are not alone.