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Ever wonder why incredibly smart, successful women keep falling for partners who are emotionally unavailable? This deep dive with relationship coach Bern Mendez uncovers the hidden patterns that trap intelligent women in unsatisfying relationships and offers practical ways to break free from these cycles once and for all.

Bern shares his journey from overcoming personal depression to helping hundreds of women transform their love lives through understanding both the neurochemistry of attraction and the emotional patterns established in childhood. He explains how our nervous systems can become addicted to the pursuit-withdrawal dynamics of unavailable partners, creating a biochemical response that feels intense but ultimately leads to heartbreak.

The conversation challenges popular beliefs about healing through relationships, with Bern advocating that "there's something powerful to be done about healing the best you can without the need to connect with human beings who push all your buttons." Instead of seeking partners who remind you of difficult parents, he suggests focusing on creating safety and genuine connection with those who align with your actual relationship goals.

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Ever noticed how the person you love most can trigger your worst reactions? That's no accident—it's attachment in action.

Couples therapist Figs O'Sullivan joins us to reveal the surprising truth behind relationship conflicts: we don't fight because we don't care, but because we care deeply. Drawing from his journey from childhood dysfunction to creating a loving family, Figgs shares the three-pillar framework that guides his transformative approach to couples therapy.

At the heart of his method lies attachment theory—the understanding that humans need emotional connection from birth until death. When we perceive threats to our bond with a loved one, our nervous system goes into protection mode. Combined with systems theory, we see how couples create feedback loops where one person's defensive reaction triggers the other's fears, escalating conflicts despite their best intentions.

"We're not a threat to each other," Figs explains, "we're just two threatened people having a hard time." This perspective shift is revolutionary—transforming how we view our partner's annoying behaviors as fear responses rather than intentional attacks.

Ready to transform your relationship dynamics? Visit Empathi.com for free resources, including an app to identify your attachment patterns, or explore working with Figgs and his specialized team of couples therapists.

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Thanks for listening!

Check out this site for everthing to know about women's pleasure including video tutorials and great suggestions for bedroom time!!
https://for-goodness-sake-omgyes.sjv.io/c/5059274/1463336/17315

Take the happiness quiz from Oprah and Arthur Brooks here: https://arthurbrooks.com/build

NEW: Subscribe monthly: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1805181/support

Email questions/comments/feeback to tamara@straightfromthesourcesmouth.co

Website: https://straightfromthesourcesmouthpod.net/

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Dating coach Mark Rosenfeld pulls back the curtain on why modern dating feels so frustrating despite our unprecedented connectivity. Drawing from his own journey overcoming social anxiety to become Australia's leading women's dating coach, Mark delivers refreshingly practical wisdom about finding meaningful connections.

"We're so connected, now more than ever, and yet we all feel so disconnected," Mark observes about today's dating landscape. His approach balances strategic action with emotional intelligence, helping women navigate both online platforms and in-person opportunities. Rather than exhausting yourself with marathon swiping sessions, Mark recommends consistent, small daily actions that prevent burnout while maximizing genuine connections.

The conversation explores the surprising truth about "high value" partners - they're rarely who we initially imagine them to be. While many daters fixate on status markers like appearance or profession, true relationship compatibility stems from emotional safety, mutual respect, and relationship skills that only become visible over time. This explains why many of Mark's clients end up happily partnered with someone who didn't match their original checklist but makes them feel deeply understood.

Perhaps most illuminating is Mark's expertise on attachment dynamics, particularly the anxious-avoidant dance that characterizes so many struggling relationships. He shares practical techniques for managing emotional dysregulation during conflicts, including creating agreements in peaceful moments that prevent harmful escalations when triggers arise. His insight that "resentments are unspoken expectations" unlocks a simple yet powerful path to reducing relationship friction through clear communication.

Throughout the episode, vulnerability emerges as the bridge to authentic connection. Whether you're navigating online dating algorithms or trying to communicate needs to a partner, leading with emotional honesty creates the foundation for meaningful relationships. Curious about transforming your approach to dating? Mark's program "Make Him Yours" and his online resources offer pathways to develop both the strategy and emotional intelligence needed to thrive in today's complex dating world.

Support the show

Thanks for listening!

Check out this site for everthing to know about women's pleasure including video tutorials and great suggestions for bedroom time!!
https://for-goodness-sake-omgyes.sjv.io/c/5059274/1463336/17315

Take the happiness quiz from Oprah and Arthur Brooks here: https://arthurbrooks.com/build

NEW: Subscribe monthly: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1805181/support

Email questions/comments/feeback to tamara@straightfromthesourcesmouth.co

Website: https://straightfromthesourcesmouthpod.net/

Instagram: @fromthesourcesmouth_franktalk

Twitter: @tamarapodcast

YouTube and IG: Tamara_Schoon_comic