The only thing that gets me through the day is having a pack of Big Cigs in my van. Maybe I should limit my habits to caffeine and alcohol.

I just wanted to go to Matooshe's for my breakfast burrito and this rude little shit wanted to snuff me out. Oh well, that's 2048 in America.

It's the day after Thanksgiving, and I'm a bit hungover when my daughter Pepper calls. She always makes me feel better. Our conversation is going great until the phone provider tells us our call is being monitored for quality assurance. Now we have to be careful, because the government is listening. Pepper, please save your honesty for another time.

My daughter is probably the only reason I still give a shit about living. She lifts me up every time I talk to her and she's the only reason why I'm not still mad at my ex-wife. She helped decorate my divorced dad bachelor pad so it's not four tan walls, a couch,1 and a wall screen.

BestSelf is where I finish most days. It's depressing most of the time because when I take the parts there, they usually don't get reattached to the people that lost them to begin with. I mean, in 2048 it's pretty expensive to get a limb reattached if you don't have good insurance. Most insurance policies only cover the first 10 thousand, and who has that?

Our X-25 is the most brilliant piece of equipment Speedfitters has. My company installed the X-25 at Ken Barac's new and used car. They love it because it allows many more customers to make a down payment on a new or used car. And I love it because it separates arms or legs without an ounce of blood being spilled.

Basically, someone goes to Ken Barac's, finds a new or used car they like and if they don't have enough for the down payment, the salesperson asks if they'd like to use an arm or leg for the downpayment.

The X-25 is always full of limbs when I show up on Wednesdays for my service check on the machine.

Jerry Reader, the sales manager, keeps bugging me for a kidney chopper, telling me they have the need. And I must agree because that damned X-25 is always full of limbs when I do my checks.

I just think it sucks that in 2048 America people have to cut off a limb just to afford a new vehicle. And now I'll have to learn how to service the X-30, which is the kidney separation unit. I better stop calling it a "kidney chopper" or the front office will have my ass.

I guess I shouldn't bitch about my job too much, because it's the only one that lets me smoke (and sneak a drink). I really wish I could've saved that girl's arm for reattachment--at least I saved her life.

You'll find out why I chose to work for Speedfitters. Well, I really didn't have much of a choice because I was a "C" student that barely graduated. My choices were: police officer, corrections officer, or soldier.