Episode Overview

Host Gabe McManus sits down with Brandon, a certified financial planner who went through his own divorce at 50 with four kids. This one's different. It's two dads who've walked the same road, comparing notes on guilt, grief, and finding their footing again. Brandon shares the mantra that got him through and why hiding his emotions from his kids is his biggest regret.

Key Topics Discussed

The Day Everything Changed

• That kitchen table conversation you dread and can't sugarcoat
• Brandon's four kids were 9, 7, 7, and 5 when it happened
• The overwhelming fear of doing it alone
• Thanking God all the way home after getting the kids on the school bus

What Nobody Tells You

• The weight loss, the depression, the year it took to let go
• Why Brandon regrets hiding his emotions from his kids
• "They didn't get to see me vulnerable. I wish they had."
• Kids mimic what they see. Stiff upper lip isn't always the lesson you want to teach.

The Guilt Trap

• Wanting to say yes to everything so the kids don't miss out
• "We all need just a yes right now. We'll untangle it later."
• Drawing the line: each kid gets one activity
• The $700 Lego Titanic story

Survive and Advance

• Brandon's March Madness mantra for getting through
• "Let's not worry about growing. Let's just survive this season."
• If you're putting away 10% for retirement during this phase, you're winning
• There will be time to build later

A New Kind of Normal

• The empty chair at the dinner table and why he bought new furniture
• Creating routines and consistency as a single parent
• "It's not ever going to be normal. But there's a new normal that's also satisfying."

What Suffering Teaches You

• Romans on suffering, perseverance, character, and hope
• Kids showing compassion because of what they've been through
• "You had a great life before. You had a great life during. You'll have a great life after."

Dating After Divorce

• Each child launches their own relationship rocket on their own terms
• "This is not your mom. This will never be your mom."
• Giving kids space to feel what they feel

Memorable Quotes

"I would just thank God all the way home. I did it. That sounds so stupid, so small. But when you're doing it by yourself, the self-doubt is huge."

"We're mourning the loss of the childhood we thought they would have. They're just happy to have us still in their lives."

"Survive and advance. One day at a time. I had that taped to my mirror."

"You had a great life before him. You had a great life with him. You're going to have a great life after him."

"If you're putting 10% away during this phase, you're winning. There'll be time to do 20% later."

Key Takeaways

1. Give yourself grace. This is about surviving, not thriving. Growth comes later.
2. Let your kids see you struggle. Hiding emotion teaches them to hide theirs.
3. Don't let divorce taint the good memories. Your kids need to hear you celebrate what was.

About the Guest

Brandon is a certified financial planner with 25 years of experience who went through his own divorce at 50 with four children. He brings both professional expertise and personal experience to the conversation.

https://www.ameripriseadvisors.com/brandon.l.hayes/

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | YouTube
Connect: gabe@moreclientsmorefun.com

"I Want to Make Memories. I Can't Afford Them. Ira Work Proves Me Wrong"

Episode Overview

Host Gabe McManus sits down with financial advisor Ira Work for a conversation that goes way beyond numbers. Ira, who went through his own divorce at 48, starts by asking the question nobody else has: how are you doing emotionally? From there, they dig into guilt spending, impossible college expectations, and how to make memories with your kids without wrecking your future.

Key Topics Discussed

The Question Nobody Asks

• Why "how are you doing emotionally" should come first
• Ira's divorce at 48 and not realizing he was in depression
• Finding out who you are after decades as a couple

Memories Over Stuff

• "I'd rather make memories than have stuff"
• The danger of guilt spending after divorce
• Creative travel hacks: Airbnbs, cooking together, walking tours
• The Shutterfly book idea to preserve trips forever

The College Conversation

• Three ways to pay: scholarships, work part-time, or student loans
• Why you never tell your kids there's money saved for them
• Having the transparent talk about what you can actually afford
• Why school name matters far less than ambition

Setting Boundaries with Your Kids

• Ira's daughter said college was his responsibility because she "didn't choose to be born"
• His response: "My legal responsibility ended when you turned 18"
• Boundaries create freedom for everyone
• Coming from a position of strength instead of obligation

Emergency Fund Before Retirement

• Three to six months of expenses in liquid savings
• Why raiding retirement for emergencies costs you a penalty and your future
• "If you have an emergency fund, you'll never have an emergency"

Memorable Quotes

"The first question I would ask you is, how are you doing emotionally? Because that's really the most important."

"I'd rather make memories than have stuff. Take me away for a week and don't buy me a diamond necklace."

"My legal responsibility ended for you financially the day you turned 18. Anything I do for you now is out of the love in my heart."

"If you have an emergency fund, you'll never have an emergency."

Key Takeaways

1. Check in on yourself first. Divorce can put you in depression without realizing it.
2. Stop guilt spending. Trying to be the hero digs a deeper hole.
3. Have the transparent conversation. Tell your kids what you can actually afford.
4. Emergency fund before retirement. Three to six months, highly liquid.
5. Ambition beats school name. First job comes from college. Every job after comes from performance.

About the Guest

Ira Work is a financial advisor with over 41 years in the business who brings personal experience to the conversation, having gone through his own divorce at 48.

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | YouTube
Connect: gabe@moreclientsmorefun.com

• Why your situation feels unique but follows patterns advisors see regularly
• Moving from crisis mode to strategic planning
• The first step: completing a personal financial statement

• Why a home equity line of credit is emergency protection, not spending money
• The Warren Buffett approach: using other people's money
• Credit unions vs. traditional banks for better rates

• The Parent PLUS Loan strategy that buys you four years
• Pushing payments past the alimony end date to free up cash flow
• The power of kids having "skin in the game"

• Why a simple will goes to probate and can be contested
• How your ex could end up controlling your kids' inheritance
• The revocable living trust solution for $1,500-$2,500

• The solo 401(k) that lets you shelter up to $79,000/year
• Dropping from 22% to 12% effective tax rate through smart contributions

• Ron's unconventional advice: take Social Security when you're eligible
• Why inheritances shouldn't factor into your plan until they're real

1. Get a HELOC immediately as your emergency fund backstop while you build cash reserves.
2. Consider a Parent PLUS Loan to spread college costs over four years.
3. A simple will isn't enough. A revocable living trust protects your legacy from being contested.
4. Self-employed? You're likely overpaying taxes. A solo 401(k) lets you shelter far more than standard limits.
5. Don't count on inheritances. Plan as if they won't happen.

Website: https://www.ameripriseadvisors.com/team/the-phelps-group/financial-advice-team/ronald.phelps/

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | YouTube
Connect: gabe@moreclientsmorefun.com