Smart Trust and Setting Boundaries: What to Do When You’re Being Thrown Under the Bus

In this episode of Lead to Soar, co-hosts Mel Butcher and Michelle Redfern discuss a real-world leadership challenge brought forward by a Lead to Soar Network member. “Jane,” a high-performing consultant in a matrix organization, found herself unexpectedly blamed when a project she was only lightly involved in started to unravel.

Mel and Michelle use this scenario to explore the importance of establishing clear expectations, the concept of Smart Trust, and how to respond when your professional reputation is at risk. This episode is essential listening for women navigating complex work environments where visibility, influence, and trust must be balanced with strategic boundary-setting.

Episode Highlights

• “There’s blind trust, and there’s smart trust.” – Michelle Redfern

Trust is essential, but leaders must apply discernment and establish boundaries to avoid being taken advantage of.

• “Sometimes a person gets assigned to a project for visibility, not contribution.” – Mel Butcher

Discussion on the flawed nature of the billable model in consulting and how it can misalign expectations and responsibilities.

• Smart Trust, as defined by Stephen M.R. Covey, is about combining high intention with high capability, and using judgment and data to guide trust-based decisions.

• High-performing women are often asked to step into extra work to “fix” issues—Michelle challenges leaders to respond with strategic thinking, not reflexive people-pleasing.

• Use the RACI framework (Responsible, Accountable, Consulted, Informed) or a simplified version to clarify roles and expectations at the outset of any new responsibility.

• Documentation matters. Use tools like Microsoft Copilot or Zoom’s AI-generated meeting summaries to create a paper trail of decisions and commitments.

• Don’t be afraid to reset expectations midstream.

• When conflict arises, don’t go on the defensive. Instead, escalate with a focus on business outcomes: what’s broken, what the risks are, and how to address them constructively.

• Seniority matters. If you don’t yet have the political capital to raise concerns directly, approach a sponsor or advocate for advice and support in navigating the situation.

• “If you’re in pain, you must be learning.” – A reminder that even challenging experiences can yield growth and valuable leadership insight.

Leadership Call to Action

• Build Smart Trust

Assume good intent, but structure your working relationships to verify expectations and protect against misalignment.

• Clarify Roles from Day One

Before agreeing to join a project or initiative, ask for a planning session to define your availability, scope, and deliverables.

• Set Boundaries with Confidence

Respond with “yes, and here’s what that will look like” or “yes, but I can only contribute in this specific way.”

• Use Red-Amber-Green Check-ins

Establish a simple framework to flag risks and progress so you and others stay aligned on what’s working and what’s off-track.

• Document Expectations

Use AI tools or manual notes to record what was agreed to, who is doing what, and when deliverables are due.

• Seek Strategic Visibility

Before saying no to additional work, ask if this is part of your career development path—particularly if it’s tied to sponsorship or high-profile projects.

• Recover with Grace and Strategy

If you’ve been thrown under the bus, avoid panic. Identify allies, focus on facts, and create a communication plan that centers the client, the outcome, and your professionalism.

• Close the Loop with Advocates- After navigating a tough situation, reconnect with supporters and share what you’ve learned and how you’ll apply it going forward.

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