Erin Snow is the Clinical Director at Seeking Integrity, CSAT, and a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She and Dr. Rob discuss a week-by-week overview of residential treatment, the key points of trauma work and treatment, and the hope that she regularly sees as addicts encounter consequences, confront early trauma, and what it really takes to heal individuals and their loved ones from addiction.

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:08] Erin’s journey toward Seeking Integrity.

[4:50] The healing at Seeking Integrity focuses on much more than sex addiction.

[7:41] Key points of trauma work and treatment.

[12:15] Why is my partner connecting to their therapist but not me?

[13:43] A week-by-week overview of residential treatment.

[20:29] Attachment and connection are not what a spouse is thinking about.

[26:28] Why isn’t our relationship enough to make him change?

[31:00] What is it like for Erin being a woman working with addict men?

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Erin Snow

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

• “I can see an opportunity for my clients to find meaning in living again.”
• “In trauma work, you can lose yourself in the why and never move to the place of how to move on from this.”
• “Healing happens the way it's supposed to as long as you’re doing the next right thing.”

Dr. Rob and Dr. Erika Schwartz continue their discussion about the connection between intimacy and sex. She highlights the role of hormones in sex addiction and betrayal, addresses the myths of monogamy, and counters the dangerous statement that too many betraying partners tell themselves, because what you don’t know actually will hurt you, will hurt your partner, and will hurt everyone around you.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:22] Coming to peace with the trauma that happens in betrayal.

[4:25] Who were you before you came into this relationship?

[6:02] The power of opening up when overcoming betrayal trauma.

[9:08] The role of hormones in sex addiction and betrayal.

[11:10] What does monogamy look like in humans?

[14:28] The deeper hurt that comes when love appears while cheating.

[19:15] What you don’t know won’t hurt you, or will it?

[21:20] Connect with Dr. Erika Schwartz.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Dr. Geoff Goodman

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Dr. Erika Schwartz

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

• “If humans are monogamous, why are we all having affairs? It’s because monogamy is a choice.”
• “Sexuality and intimacy are not the same. That’s when we start behaving differently.”
• “Love is the core of everything. If it’s love, move out of the way.”
• “What you don’t know will hurt me, will hurt you, and will hurt everyone around you.”

Dr. Rob and Dr. Erika Schwartz discuss the connection between intimacy and sex – what it is, how it varies based on age, gender, and culture, and what a partner’s betrayal really means about the relationship. The author of The Intimacy Solution, Dr. Erika explores the connection between sex and intimacy at all stages of life and answers the question that so many betrayed partners grapple with – “If you really loved me, why would you do this?”

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:28] Dr. Erica defines the key differences between sex and intimacy.

[4:45] Gender and cultural insights into sex and intimacy.

[7:48] The link between the pathology of addicts and lack of communication in relationships.

[10:27] “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t do this.”

[14:42] The reasons partners choose to leave or to stay.

[16:15] The danger of trying to hold on to the intensity of the 18-year-old life.

[17:34] Oxytocin is a key component of intimacy and connection.

[21:52] Does “in sickness and in health” apply to betrayal and addiction?

[27:15] Your partner’s addiction isn’t about you, but it is about honoring the truth.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Dr. Geoff Goodman

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Dr. Erika Schwartz

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

• “You can live a much easier life if you see how the other side views sexuality and intimacy.”
• “There is a lot in sexuality that we don’t talk about that we should be talking about.”
• “You have to figure out how to fix your problem. Your partner can’t do it for you.”
• “If they are everything to you, then you are nothing to yourself.”