This week we are dodging giant bat-creatures while we discuss “Patience”! We’re talking Doggett doing his best to horn in on the Flashlight X situation, spend a lot of time trying to figure out a team name for Scully and Doggett, boo Detective Misogyny, warn people away from the scentless phone warranty no matter how reasonably priced, and laugh at poor Scully who is being forced to become Mulder now. We cheer on Doggett and his special newspaper article, check the timetables for the bus to Bat Island, get excited that Scully is having her first experience with an actual coworker, and debate different ways to keep this bat-creature away.

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This week we are dealing with a classic “My FBI partner’s being impersonated by a shapeshifting alien with ill intent” situation while we discuss “Without”! We’re talking how everyone in this episode had a wicked case of heatstroke, how much Kersh loves to enunciate, our new favorite character Agent Walkie Talkie, how Skinner has earned the right to do the flashlight X, and how heartwarming it is that Scully and Skinner get to point their guns and scream at each other again. #CoupleGoals. We laugh at Doggett sneaking a Get Well Soon card to Scully in the weirdest way possible, wonder for the 700th time where Gibson’s parents are, Scully having the endurance to jog after a kid on a bike for an entire hour, and one more SCULLAY for the road. Sad face. Half the episode is spent trying to squeeze in a “this Dog(gett) won’t hunt” joke, but that’s pretty much par for the course.

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This week we are trying to find our alien-abducted old partner and throwing water in the face of our new partner while we discuss “Within”! We’re talking Mark Snow really banging on those pots and pans, how Falling Guy has turned into Mulder, Scully in her depression-beard era, how Skinner is doing everything humanly possible to get Scully not to be mad at him anymore, and how Kersh is back! That’s right, the true hater is back in the building. We theorize whether there’s been a third agent working in the basement this entire time, say hello to this Agent John Doggett guy, debate what Scully and Skinner’s team name should be, get sad because Mulder has turned into an alien foosball man, and note that Scully is giving Doggett a true orientation into the X-Files by calling him up in the middle of the night and screaming at him. Get used to it, man. And the worst crime this show has ever committed: misspelling Teena’s name on her own gravestone! Come on.

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