SIT DOWN SON. FUCK OFF, DAD-A LOVE STORY

John Allen brings his son in as backup in his ongoing argument with what is.

My son and I discuss the only relevant questions that really count. How do I get more girls and not get cancelled? Is there an age where it's just too creepy to keep hitting on the babes? Are all men misogynist? My answer to that one really pissed off my girlfriend now my ex-girlfriend. So totally worth it. I thought the bit about Jesus looking like a twink would've been the one, but she didn't get that far.

Other vital questions covered:

Are there any topics a twenty-something adult is allowed to talk about in today's culture? Apparently not — but we worked hard and found a few nonetheless. Like: at what age did my son know I was a dick?

What else? Oh yes — my favourite, and very practical these days: how to pick up chicks on the train on the way to Auschwitz? And another vital question: is there a way to say "Into Wim Hof?" to a half-naked Asian girl on the beach without sounding way too creepy?

Is being pussy-whipped a good thing? And on that note, is it possible to go out with a woman for longer than 5 years without just doing whatever she wants? Actually, make that one week.

Does the fact that a father is talking to his son about how long is just too long to go down on someone — even if you really like doing it — mean we should be institutionalized or just shot like dogs? Does not being able to move your jaw for two days constitute too long? See what this healthy, normal father-son exchange has to say about that thorny tantric issue.

Can you be a sex addict and be celibate for five years, or is that just proof you're an addict because you need to be away from the supply? Oh shit — that's in the next episode, where I get my heart broken by the aforementioned girlfriend who, if she thought she was pissed off before over this podcast… well honey (I'm not allowed to call her that now that we're not together, but I am rebelling), you ain't seen nothing yet. Stay tuned for that one.

DON'T PICK A FIGHT WITH A MAN WHO BUYS HIS INK BY THE BOTTLE.

Just a sweetener for the next episode where I get totally erased by a not-so-very-nice gal… who I fall totally in love with, of course.

This was recorded a few years ago. I've been saving it.