S3 Ep 1 - Has Your Pain Become Your Identity? (The Comfort Trap No One Talks About)

Bob Allen, osteopath and co-host of the Pain Free Living podcast, and Clare Elsby, positive psychology coach and therapist, explore a subject most health professionals quietly notice — but rarely say out loud.

What happens when your pain becomes… comfortable?

In this episode, you’ll find out why long-term pain, whether physical or emotional, can quietly become part of your identity.

As Bob explains, pain starts as a warning signal. But when you’ve lived with back pain, joint pain, or unexplained symptoms for months or years, you often build routines around it.

Medication. Avoidance. “Safe” movements. Coping strategies. And over time, your pain stops feeling temporary; it starts feeling normal.

You’ll also hear how this shows up emotionally. Clare explores how negative self-talk, that relentless inner critic, can actually feel useful. You may believe it drives your productivity, your standards, and your motivation. But what if that “helpful” voice is also reinforcing stress, fear and vulnerability?

Don’t worry, awareness is the first step. If any of this resonates, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’ve adapted, and adaptation is clever. But staying there forever isn’t your only option.

This conversation is aimed at challenging the “devil you know” mindset and opens the door to something better: appropriate support, fresh assessment, and safe therapeutic space — whether that’s manual therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), or simply a new perspective.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Pain can shift from a warning signal into a lifestyle pattern.
2. Long-term back pain often has multiple contributing factors — not just one clear diagnosis.
3. Emotional pain and negative self-talk can become part of your identity.
4. Resistance to change often comes from fear and vulnerability.
5. With the right support, you can reduce pain — without losing who you are.

Resources Mentioned

1. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) overview – NHS: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/

Disclaimer - This podcast provides general information for educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and should not replace professional assessment, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek qualified healthcare advice if you are in pain, have new or worsening symptoms, or have any concerns about your health before starting exercise or self-care routines.

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😎 Learn more about Bob’s story https://bit.ly/BobsOsteoStory

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