Relief With Some Grief - When An Abusive Parent Dies

When someone dies, the story is often one of sadness, longing, and loss. But what happens when the person who died was also someone who caused great harm? For Kathy, who was sexually and emotionally abused by her father, his death when she was 11 brought more relief than grief.

In this conversation, Kathy shares how her early experiences with grief and trauma shaped her path as a social worker and volunteer, including her current work with teens and tweens who are grieving.

We explore:

• What it was like to have her dad die while carrying the painful secret about his abuse
• The mixed emotions of grieving someone who caused great harm
• How volunteering gave Kathy a sense of purpose and visibility at a young age
• The importance of creating space for young people - and adults - to share the full range of feelings about the person who died, including the hard and complicated ones
• What Kathy would want her 11-year-old self, and other kids in similar situations, to know

Kathy’s story broadens our understanding of grief, reminding us that it’s never one-dimensional, and that sometimes, relief outweighs grief.

Note: this episode includes references to childhood sexual and emotional abuse.