Quiet Confessions, Episode 32: Dear Brandi Carlile - A Soundtrack For My Fight

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This week, Chelsea steps away from their typical format to "try again" at a moment they’ve replayed for twenty years. At sixteen, Chelsea met their hero, Brandi Carlile, and was left stumbling over words, unable to express the profound impact of her music.

Now, in their late 30s, navigating life as a disabled, non-binary, and chronically ill parent, Chelsea uses this space to pen an open letter to the artist who has been the "steady hand" on their shoulder through every storm.

Chelsea reflects on how Brandi’s discography served as a lifeline during mental health mayhem, gender identity journeys, and the "pitch black void" of perinatal mental health struggles. From psychiatric hospitalizations to living room concerts with their "neuro-sparkly" children, Chelsea shares how specific songs like The Mother, The Joke, and The Story helped them navigate the specific shame and beauty of being a disabled mom.

This episode is a raw testament to the power of art to save a life hundreds of times over.

🗝️Key Takeaways

• The Impact of Art on Survival: Chelsea credits Brandi Carlile’s music as a primary reason they are "still breathing" after two decades of mental and physical health challenges.
• Navigating Disability and Motherhood: Being a disabled mom involves a "specific kind of mess" that requires relying on others to carry a load you wish you could carry yourself, often accompanied by heavy guilt and shame.
• Music as a Clinical Tool: Chelsea recounts singing lyrics softly at the suggestion of kind nurses to survive endless nights during psychiatric hospitalizations.
• Identity and Duality: Through their journey as a non-binary and queer individual, Chelsea found comfort in the idea that one can be "mainstream and a misfit at the same time".
• Vulnerability as Light: Instead of hiding "broken parts," Chelsea discusses learning that these vulnerabilities are what actually "let the light in".

💬Sound Bites

• "How do you tell a person in 30 seconds behind a merch table that they are the reason that you're still breathing?"
• "I've spent much of my life in a body that feels like a house on fire."
• "Being a disabled mom is a specific kind of mess. It means relying on everyone else to carry the load I wish I could carry."
• "Your music reminds me that right isn't a straight line."
• "Our stories don't mean anything if we've got no one to tell them to."

Links & Resources

• Music Highlight: The Mother by Brandi Carlile (A reflection on the mess and beauty of parenthood)
• Support Resource: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988)

This episode discusses topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Please check the show notes for more information and be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

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Special Thanks to Steve Audy for the use of our theme song: Quiet Connection

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