Quiet Confessions, Episode 30 - The Other Side of Trauma: A Partner's Perspective

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Content Warning: This episode discusses sensitive topics, including suicide and psychiatric hospitalization. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for help.

In this special Quiet Confessions mini-episode, Chelsea's partner, Ben, steps behind the mic to share his perspective on the intense trauma the family has navigated over the last three years, brought on by severe PMADS (Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders).

As Chelsea has been battling a respiratory virus and completely lost their voice, this created the perfect opportunity to start sharing a partner's side of the journey, which is something we'd like to continue from time to time moving forward.

Ben speaks with raw honesty about the loss of trust when Chelsea conveyed suicidal ideation. He reveals the immense pressure he felt, encapsulated by his belief: "it was my job to make sure that Chelsea was happy... because if I don't, they will die".

He discusses using EMDR therapy to process memories of watching Chelsea taken away in an ambulance for their first inpatient stay, and the powerlessness of feeling unable to "fix" mental health.

🗝️Key Takeaways

• The Partner's Burden: Ben felt extreme stress and anxiety because he believed it was his responsibility to ensure Chelsea's happiness, which translated to keeping them alive, leading to him putting aside his own needs.
• Trauma and Powerlessness: Key traumatic memories involved feeling powerless: watching Chelsea leave in an ambulance for inpatient mental health treatment , and dealing with Chelsea's suicidal intent.
• The Fixer Shift: Ben utilized EMDR therapy to let go of the "fixer" role , learning to compartmentalize and accept that an update about a bad day was a report, not a request for a solution.
• Trust and Communication: Rebuilding the foundation required Ben to learn to trust Chelsea's claims that they were okay and to use articulation to clarify needs: "Is this something that you need me to act on? Or is this something that you just want me to know?".
• Mandatory Self-Care (Adjusted Load): With Chelsea permanently disabled, Ben cannot "pick up all the slack". Survival requires lowering expectations (e.g., easy meals, not folding laundry) and acknowledging that you can only do what you can do. Asking for help is critical.

💬Sound Bites

• "I said, because if I don't, they will die."
• "Watching those doors close and watch the ambulance leave knowing that there wasn't anything I could do and feeling like I wasn't a good enough partner because I couldn't fix this."
• "Now I'm able to understand if they say they're having a bad day, they're just letting me know."
• "Is this something that you need me to act on? Or is this something

This episode discusses topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Please check the show notes for more information and be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

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Special Thanks to Steve Audy for the use of our theme song: Quiet Connection

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