Q&A: Filling Your Cup Without Guilt

n this Questions & Answers episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson follows up on last week’s conversation with Joanna Kim, PhD about parental self-care and the invisible labor of raising kids. He answers listener questions about guilt, exhaustion, and how to make “filling your cup” realistic in a normal week.

In this episode, we answer:

• “Self-care online looks like spas and vacations. What’s realistic for me?”
• Start with 1–5 minute options you can repeat.
• Think small: a mindful coffee/tea moment, a short stretch, a quick walk, a 5–10 minute workout video, or a pause before you switch into “evening shift.”
• “How do I help friends who feel guilty taking time away from their kids?”
  • Reframe from quantity to quality time.
  • Try a one-week experiment: take a little time back, then notice what changes (energy, patience, connection).
• “I’m a chronic yes-person. What do I say no to?”
• Use a quick sort:
  • Non-negotiables
  • Want-to-dos
  • Energy drains
• Practice saying no for a short window (a few days), then decide what boundaries should stick.
• “I get homework from my child’s therapist and forget. I feel like I’m failing.”
• You’re not failing. Your therapist wants honesty.
  • Build a simple system for tracking + prioritizing, then accept that some tasks won’t happen every week.
• “I have no time. Work, dinner, bedtime, repeat. What can I do?”
• Start by naming what actually calms you (food/drink, movement, sleep, connection, faith/spiritual practices, quiet).
• Then look for small pockets to repeat, not a perfect routine.
• “Any clever tricks to get a break without my kids interrupting?”
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  • Tricks can work short term, but the long-term goal is modeling normal boundaries:
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    • “I’m taking 20 minutes. I’ll be back at ___.”
    • “It’s not about love. It’s about rest.”
    • “What can you do that feels relaxing while I take my break?”

Key takeaways

• “Self-care” doesn’t need money or big blocks of time.
• Start with minutes, then build.
• Your goal isn’t more time with kids. It’s better time with kids.
• Boundaries often matter as much as adding new habits.
• If you’re working with a therapist/coach, missed homework is useful info — it helps you set a plan that fits your real week.

Mentioned

• Last week’s episode with Joanna Kim, PhD on parental self-care and invisible labor
• Child Mind Institute Family Resource Center: childmind.org/resources

About Thriving Kids

Thriving Kids is a podcast from the Child Mind Institute, a nonprofit dedicated to transforming the lives of children with mental health and learning disorders.