Presuming Competence: Unlocking the Brilliance of Non-Speaking Autism | Ep 243

In this heartfelt conversation, Heidi Rome opens up about her powerful journey with her son Ethan, who was diagnosed with severe autism at age 5 and told he had the mental capacity of a 5-month-old infant. For years, she sought to fix Ethan—turning to experts and therapies—only to find herself drained, powerless, and without answers.

Everything shifted when Ethan, at 9 years old, was given assistive technology at a school that presumed competence. Suddenly, his brilliance and deep wisdom shone through. From that moment, Heidi realized her role was not to fix, but to love. Ethan’s words—“You just have to love me”—freed her to embrace unconditional acceptance. 💜

Now, after navigating the challenges of puberty and residential schooling, Heidi is pioneering a groundbreaking community for non-speaking autistic adults to thrive, belong, and contribute. Her message is clear: love first, trust yourself, and release the need to control.

👉 Listen to the full interview here.

📖 Learn more in Heidi’s book You Just Have to Love Me, where she shares her lessons on self-trust, compassion, and honoring the wisdom within.

Link to buy Heidi’s Book: https://bit.ly/JustLoveMeBook

Offers:

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Episode Summary:Heidi's journey with her son Ethan @ 00:00

Heidi shares the devastating news she received when Ethan, her younger son, was diagnosed with severe autism at age 5 - that he had the mental capacity of a 5-month-old infant. This led Heidi on a years-long journey trying desperately to "fix" Ethan's autism, seeking out experts and therapies, but to no avail. Heidi felt hopeless and powerless, believing the experts knew better than she did.

Discovering Ethan's true capabilities @ 06:34

When Ethan was 9 years old, Heidi found a school that presumed competence in non-speaking autistic individuals and used assistive technology to allow Ethan to communicate. This revealed Ethan to be a highly intelligent, thoughtful, and insightful young person, completely contradicting the earlier assessment of his mental capacity. Heidi was shocked and amazed by Ethan's ability to express himself.

Ethan's wisdom and Heidi's shift in perspective @ 10:12

As Heidi witnessed Ethan's profound communications, she had a profound realization that her role was not to "fix" him, but simply to love and support him. Ethan himself told Heidi "You just have to love me" - taking the pressure off Heidi to change or control him. This shifted Heidi's mindset from one of desperation and fixing to one of...