Performance Anxiety, Intimacy & Healing: A Conversation with Coach Shay Doran (Epi 49)

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What happens when we stop pretending everything's fine in the bedroom--and start talking about what's really going on?

In this powerful and compassionate episode of The Mindfully Gay Podcast, hosts Jerry Buie and John Cottrell welcome Shay Doran, a UK-born men's performance coach now based in Brazil, who helps gay men overcome sexual performance anxiety, erection issues, and intimacy challenges through emotional awareness and mindset work.

Together, Jerry, John, and Shay explore how shame, fear, and cultural conditioning--especially around porn, hookup culture, and masculine ideals--can create stress that blocks sexual connection. Shay opens up about his own journey from corporate burnout to becoming a coach dedicated to helping men reclaim confidence, pleasure, and authentic intimacy.

Listeners will gain insight into:

- What really causes performance anxiety (and why it's not just "in your head")

- How stress physiology affects arousal, climax, and erection

- The role of childhood conditioning and trauma in adult sexual behavior

- How to approach partners with openness and vulnerability

- Why emotional safety and self-trust are the foundation of satisfying sex

- Practical tools like box breathing and mindfulness for calming anxiety

- The connection between erotic energy, tantra, and spiritual intimacy

This episode is an invitation to normalize conversations about sex, release shame, and approach intimacy as a holistic expression of body, mind, and spirit. Whether you've experienced performance anxiety yourself or want to support someone who has, this is a conversation every gay man should hear.

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Get in touch with Shay:

Links:

Performance Anxiety Quiz: https://shay-doran.com/free-quiz/

Website: https://shay-doran.com/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@shay-doran

Exclusive Gift (Performance Anxiety Guided Meditation): https://vimeo.com/1127971151

@mindfully_gay (Instagram)