People Pleasing & ADHD: When "Yes" is a Nervous-System Response and How to Stop with Anita Sandoval, LPC - EP 555

People-pleasing isn’t a personality flaw—often it’s a nervous-system strategy. Licensed Professional Counselor and ADHD-CCSP Anita Sandoval joins Eric to unpack how the fawn response shows up with ADHD, trauma, and RSD; how it differs from masking and conflict avoidance; and what real change looks like. We cover Anita’s “Empower → Resilient → Authentic” model, ADHD-friendly EMDR adaptations, and the messy-but-worth-it work of boundaries (including with narcissistic family dynamics).
Resources, Anita’s links, and a quick survey about a potential evening coaching group are in the full notes at ADHDreWired.com.

Guest: Anita Sandoval, LPC-S, EMDR-Certified, ADHD-CCSP — therapist, supervisor, and author of Broken Chains (English & Spanish). Host of Empowering Women in Conversations and creator of Empower Her Pathways.

We cover:

• People-pleasing as a neuro-adaptive response (fight/flight/freeze/fawn)

• People-pleasing vs. conflict avoidance vs. masking

• ADHD & RSD: why “neutral” feedback stings and how regulation shifts it

• Differentiating from personality disorders (dependent/BPD)

• Hypervigilance, ACEs, and emotional regulation circuits

• Boundaries with narcissistic dynamics (including the “victim narcissist” pattern)

• Anita’s staged model (Stages of Change × grief work): Unaware → Aware → Ready → Action → Maintenance → Integration (Empowered → Resilient → Authentic)

• Therapies that help ADHD brains: EMDR with resourcing, IFS/parts work, polyvagal-informed regulation

• Eric’s EMDR story: from trigger spirals to co-regulation

Try this:
Notice your next automatic “yes.” Ask: Is this aligned with my values, or is my nervous system chasing safety? Then practice one tiny boundary this week and track before/during/after.

Resources mentioned:

• Anita Sandoval — anitasandoval.com (course: Empower Her Pathways)

• Broken Chains (English/Spanish)

• Dr. Ramani’s work on narcissism (Should I Stay or Should I Go?)

• Modalities: EMDR, IFS/Parts, Polyvagal-informed approaches

Coaching & community:

• Evening Coaching Group — interest survey
  We’re exploring a fall evening section (proposed Wed, Sept 18 • 5pm PT / 8pm ET) led by ADHD reWired Coach & LCSW Kristin Marts, at a budget-friendly rate (starting at $999) if we move forward. Deadline to weigh in: Aug 15. Take the short survey at www.coachingrewired.com.
  Complete the survey to enter to win 6 months free in our Alumni community ($240 value) or 1 year free of Adult Study Hall ($240 value).

• Adult Study Hall (ASH) — virtual co-working & body doubling. Free 1-week trial, then $19.99/mo or $150/yr at www.adultstudyhall.com.

Connect with Anita: www.anitasandoval.com | Podcast: Empowering Women in Conversations