Other People Don’t Control Your Feelings | Conflict, Criticism & Gossip | E61

Workplace conflict, criticism, gossip, and survival instincts — why your brain reacts like it’s under attack, and how to stop letting others run your day. Other people do not create how you feel. That’s the central truth of this episode. In 2025, we’re still walking into offices, churches, and family dinners as if survival depends on defending against every comment or criticism. Your brain is wired for safety, not harmony. Unless you learn to challenge your thoughts, you’ll keep outsourcing your peace to people who were never in charge of your emotions. In this episode you’ll learn: Why criticism feels dangerous (and why it made sense in tribal times). How gossip destroys trust even when it feels harmless. Why people pleasing (the Fox reflex) leaves you drained. The neuroscience of why “Bob in Accounting” feels like a saber-toothed tiger. How to challenge your thoughts and move from emotional immaturity to emotional adulthood. You’ll leave with practical tools to coach yourself in the moment, stop letting other people dictate your day, and reclaim your power. Highlight Quote: “Nobody’s getting eaten in your office. Stop acting like they are.” Chapters (with Real Timestamps + Descriptive Keywords) 00:00:02 – The Core Truth | Why other people don’t create your thoughts or feelings 00:01:01 – Why This Matters in 2025 | Miscommunication, workplace tension, and survival reflexes 00:03:28 – Criticism as Survival Strategy | The fence, the tribe, and saber-toothed tiger logic 00:08:54 – Bob in Accounting vs. a Bear | Why your brain can’t tell the difference 00:12:22 – People Pleasing Explained | The Fox reflex and why saying “yes” drains you 00:13:13 – Gossip’s Hidden Harm | How lunch-hour talk dehumanizes coworkers 00:17:43 – Thoughts Are Not Facts | Why most of what you think can’t be proven 00:22:19 – Nobody’s Getting Eaten at Work | The survival reflex hijack explained 00:28:33 – Emotional Adulthood | How to challenge your thoughts in real time 00:39:18 – Thought Work That Changes Lives | From resentment to resilience 00:42:59 – The Big Question | When will you stop letting others decide your day? 00:43:32 – Tools for Change | Survival Guides, quiz, and coaching support 00:44:17 – Closing Reminder | Stop handing your power to other people Highlight Quotes “Your brain doesn’t know the difference between Bob in Accounting and a bear.” “Other people don’t create how you feel. Your brain does.” “Nobody’s getting eaten in your office. Stop acting like they are.” “Criticism feels dangerous because your survival brain thinks safety is at stake.” “The clash isn’t personal. It’s wiring.” Questions This Episode Answers Why do I take criticism at work so personally? How does gossip affect trust at work and in relationships? How do I stop people pleasing when I know it’s draining me? How can I stop letting coworkers or family ruin my day? What is emotional adulthood vs. emotional immaturity? How does the survival brain cause workplace conflict? What is the neuroscience behind overreacting to stress? This episode breaks down emotional maturity and immaturity, how survival instincts drive workplace conflict, gossip, and people pleasing, why criticism feels personal, and what brain science and emotional intelligence can teach us about managing emotions at work, building resilience, and moving from survival reflexes into real emotional adulthood. For more: Take the FREE Survival Instinct Quiz: https://charliehornescoaching.com/quiz Confirm your Survival Instinct Archetype and grab a cinematic cheatsheet with first steps to insight and results. Free! And learn more about your customized toolkit. Find YOUR Survival Instinct Archetype Episode Below or binge them all! The Fight Instinct - Lion Archetype https://youtu.be/yEpql4mXYUE The Flight Instinct - Deer Archetype https://youtu.be/n4vK4_ygX5o The Freeze Instinct — Owl Archetype https://youtu.be/VEt4LKeTWEk The Fawn Instinct — Fox Archetype https://youtu.be/bYDOYgAXkOY The Seek Instinct — Panther Archetype https://youtu.be/Mf804KS8J9c Full Survival Instinct Series Playlist https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLydviSJ3yTA8UpwUqOmNwfTQnzkbhyA2t Resources: Fox | Fawning Instinct Digital Edition Survival Guide has dropped! All my Foxes - grab it here: https://charliehornescoaching.com/guides Want to apply for my my private, tailored coaching packages? These are customised for your specific story and instinct archetype. Apply here now to see if you would be a good match. I have opened a few private seats for the upcoming start date. Apply now: https://charliehornescoaching.com/book #WorkplaceConflict #EmotionalMaturity #SurvivalInstincts