Not Tonight? Understanding Desire Discrepancy

What happens when one partner wants sex more than the other? In this episode of Unzipping Taboos, we dive into the complexities of desire discrepancy—when partners have mismatched levels of sexual interest. It’s a common challenge in relationships, but one that’s often misunderstood, stigmatized, or even ignored. We explore the many factors that can influence libido, from stress and medication to relationship dynamics, emotional connection, past experiences, and shifting self-perceptions.

We also challenge outdated stereotypes about men and women’s sex drives—like the myth that men always want more sex and women are the gatekeepers—and unpack how these assumptions can create unnecessary guilt and frustration. We talk about why communication is key, and why those conversations can be difficult or even painful. That’s why we share ways you can work to bridge the gap with empathy, curiosity, and openness.

From rediscovering passion in long-term relationships to handling mismatched desire without shame or resentment, this episode is about fostering deeper connection, understanding, and pleasure—on both sides of the bed. Whether you’re experiencing this yourself or just want to learn more, we’ve got insights, real talk, and ways to help you navigate intimacy with confidence.

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If you want to ask Dr Sue a sex question for the weekly Q&A you can submit it here: Ask a question