In this episode of No Visible Bruises, I’m exploring something that’s gone viral recently, Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory and whether it actually supports or harms survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse, and coercive control.On the surface, the “Let Them” approach sounds freeing. Let them ignore you. Let them walk away. Let them show you who they are. But when you’re a survivor, especially someone recovering from relational trauma, “letting them” isn’t always simple. It can activate shame, abandonment wounds, or even put you back in harm’s way.So today, I’m unpacking this idea through a trauma informed lens, asking:

• Can “Let Them” truly empower survivors?

• Or does it risk invalidating your trauma responses?

• What happens when “Letting Them” feels like fawning or freezing, not freedom?

I also weave in Internal Family Systems (IFS), one of the key therapeutic approaches I use to show how different parts inside of us might respond to “Let Them” in wildly different ways. One part might crave detachment. Another might panic at the thought of being dismissed.I’m reflecting on:

• Why some self-help theories, while well-meaning, need adaptation for trauma survivors

• How IFS helps us make sense of conflicting inner responses • What “Let Them” looks like from a somatic and parts-based perspective

• And how we can take what works from the theory while still honouring our healing processIf you’re trying to unhook from a narcissist or toxic family system, this episode is for you. It’s raw, reflective, and designed to help you feel seen, not shamed.Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.

Before we dive in, I’m thrilled to invite you to a free live masterclass I’m hosting, “Pain to Purpose: Building a Trauma Informed Business for Survivors of Narcissistic & Domestic Abuse.” on Sunday, the 29th of June. I’ll pop the link below and if you can join me live, fantastic. But even if you can’t, still register and I’ll send you the recording. If you’re reading this after the date of the 29th, still click on the link and I’ll send the recording over. Alone I can do so little, but collectively we can really facilitate a change in the world around narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control. And if you feel like your experiences must lead to somewhere, this master class could be for you. And of course, if not, ignore all of this.

https://carolinestrawson.com/purpose-masterclass?ref=podcast

In today’s episode, I’m talking about the physiology of gaslighting because most conversations about gaslighting focus on psychology, thoughts, beliefs, and mental manipulation. Today we flip that lens and explore the physiology: the tangible, bodily sensations that whisper, “Something isn’t right,” long before your conscious mind can name it.I’ll explain what gaslighting is, why? I never even knew what it was when I was in my relationship with my ex-husband and how it is a tool that abuses use to manipulate and control you. So if you’ve ever thought you were crazy in conversations with your partners, Ex partners or parents And never understood why, this episode is a must listen to. This form of psychological abuse is hidden and unseen and because there are no visible bruises, many of us don’t even realise it’s a form of abuse.Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.

In this episode, we shine a light on one of the most misunderstood forms of narcissistic abuse……..the covert narcissist.Unlike the loud, arrogant narcissist that many imagine, the covert narcissist operates in far more subtle and insidious ways. They may seem shy, quiet, or even vulnerable to the outside world but behind closed doors, the manipulation runs deep.In this episode, I explore:• What makes covert narcissistic abuse so hard to identify• Why survivors often doubt themselves and struggle to explain what’s happening• How covert narcissists use guilt, shame, victimhood, and passive aggression to control• The impact this has on your nervous system, your confidence, and your sense of self• The signs to look for if you think you’re dealing with oneWhether you're beginning to question your relationship or you've already escaped and are rebuilding, this episode will give you the clarity and validation you need.Understanding covert narcissism is a crucial step in healing because once you can name it, you can begin to untangle from it. Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.

Disclaimer:The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.