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🎧 “Authoritarianism for Dummies (feat. The Ketamine Kid)”

A chaotic mix of malfunctioning institutions, collapsing agencies, and grifts wrapped in red, white, and blue. Tracks include “Prosecution by Vibes,” “Berserker with Wi-Fi,” “Farm-to-Table Incompetence,” and the chart-topping scam single “MAGA Phone (Remix – Stolen Samsung Edit).” Perfect for doomscrolling through another day in the Upside-Down Republic.

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David Richardson missed Texas drowning, Comey’s case fell apart, and Charlotte got a paramilitary panic parade. Trump rasped through a reversal on Epstein files while Marjorie Taylor Greene survived death threats, doxx-pizza, and a new nickname: “Traitor Brown.” The EPA turns wetlands into a corporate toilet, and the Treasury blames migrant cows for high beef prices.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting live from the fever dream formerly known as the United States.

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Epstein’s inbox coughed up judgment day, Trump’s team is sweating in the Situation Room, and Lauren Boebert just turned national security into open mic night. The economy’s missing in action, Starbucks is on strike, and the government’s staggering back to life like a drunk zombie.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting live from the fever dream formerly known as the United States.

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Epstein’s ghost is leaking receipts, Trump’s press secretary is a malfunctioning hologram, and Speaker Johnson’s guarding the vault of the damned. The FBI’s on tour, ICE reenacted fascism in Chicago, and Trump’s printing welfare checks from the land of make-believe. Meanwhile, Democrats traded healthcare for promises.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting live from the echo chamber of a dying empire.

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Fifty-one days without a government; the fix is less healthcare. The Navy eyes Venezuela’s oil under the guise of “freedom.” Trump sells indulgences to donors and wages war on a mall that doesn’t exist. His AI revolts, the DOJ rots, and the FAA begs for gas money. Veterans still waiting on that back pay from 1783.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting from a malfunctioning republic with a hangover and a mic.

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Senate finally reopens the government; Rand Paul enraged, Schumer stabbed by his own. Air traffic controllers unpaid, yelled at for patriotism. Trump proposes 50-year mortgages so you die before owning a house. DOJ bleeding lawyers like the last chopper out. Maxwell courts a pardon from a prison resort. Kim Davis denied again. The Federalist calls Trump rudderless.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting from a whiskey-soaked democracy on life support.

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Election bloodbath: Democrats wipe the GOP off the map. Trump calls it “the golden age,” economists call it “creative fiction.” FAA grounds 10% of flights because the government’s too broke to fly. The Supreme Court rediscovers limits, Roberts remembers math, Kavanaugh remembers Nixon. Trump’s rookie prosecutor faceplants in federal court. The republic coughs, but keeps breathing.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting from a whiskey-soaked democracy on life support.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.