Couples therapy isn’t always a safe space, especially when a narcissist is in the room.

I get asked about this constantly: “Should we try couples therapy?” If your partner has narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder, my answer is no. In this episode, I explain why.

Too often, therapy turns into a performance, another platform for the narcissist to manipulate, charm the therapist, and flip the narrative. Instead of feeling supported, the person being harmed walks out feeling blamed, invalidated, and more confused than ever.

The truth is, most therapists aren’t trained to recognize the subtle patterns of narcissistic abuse. They might know the diagnosis from a textbook, but they miss the gaslighting, coercive control, and emotional manipulation happening right in front of them. I’ve seen how that leads to real harm.

If you’ve been to couples therapy and felt like something was off, or worse, felt like the problem, you’re not imagining it. You’re not overreacting. And you’re not alone.

In this episode, I break down why I never recommend couples therapy in these situations, and why individual support is not just more effective, but also safer.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Introduction

01:16 Why Couples Therapy Fails with a Narcissist

03:38 Therapists Often Miss the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

08:16 How Narcissists Use Therapy as a Stage

10:48 Their Real Agenda Isn’t Healing

12:08 Toxic Behavior vs. Narcissistic Abuse

18:06 Why Speaking the Truth in Therapy Can Be Dangerous

21:08 When Therapy Advice Causes More Harm

24:55 Is There Any Benefit to Couples Therapy?

29:55 Why Individual Therapy Is the Safer Choice

33:00 Dr. Z’s Advice and How to Get Help

Links

Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter

Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops

Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

When a narcissist cheats, the affair often has little to do with love or connection. It’s about power.

In this episode, I sit down with psychotherapist Lauren LaRusso, LPC, LMHC, to unpack why narcissists have affairs and how their motivations are different from what most people expect. Why do they always seem to have someone waiting in the wings? Why is there so little remorse when they’re caught? And why does the person who’s been betrayed so often end up feeling like the one to blame?

Lauren and I talk about how narcissists use affairs to stay in control and protect their image. These betrayals aren’t usually about emotional disconnection. They’re about manipulation, dominance, and supply. We also get into what it’s like for the person on the receiving end: the self-doubt, the confusion, the isolation. And we talk honestly about why leaving is so complicated. Sometimes there are kids involved. Sometimes it’s about safety. Sometimes it’s about survival.

If you’ve been through this, or you’re still in it, I hope this conversation brings you clarity. You’re not imagining it. You’re not overreacting. And most importantly, you’re not alone.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Why Narcissists Cheat

03:25 What Counts as an Affair

04:52 Gender Differences in Infidelity

12:06 Can an Affair Stabilize a Marriage?

16:47 Why People Don’t Just Leave

23:24 Affairs in Narcissistic Relationships

27:38 The “Perfect” Narcissist and Secret Lives

30:10 Lack of Accountability

33:07 How Narcissistic Abuse Shows Up in Therapy

38:01 The Danger of Blaming the Betrayed Partner

40:07 Affairs as a Survival Strategy

42:03 Healing After Narcissistic Relationships

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, ALL virtual courses AND apparel on my website are 20% off for the month of MAY with CODE: MHAM20

Explore on-demand courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops

Shop apparel here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel

Links

Connect with Lauren LaRusso, LPC, LMHC:

website: www.theaffairconsultant.com

Instagram @LaurenLaRusso

Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Family courts were designed to protect families. So why do so many survivors find themselves trapped by the very system that was supposed to protect them?

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Charlotte Proudman, a family law barrister and founder of Right to Equality. Charlotte has spent her career challenging the failures of the family court system, especially when it comes to cases involving domestic abuse, sexual coercion, coercive control, and parental alienation. We talk openly about the real impact these failures have on women and children, and why change is so urgently needed.

Why is coercive control still overlooked in custody cases? How did parental alienation turn into a legal weapon used by abusive parents? Charlotte shares powerful stories from her new book, “He Said, She Said,” and explains how family courts continue to mishandle allegations of sexual abuse and emotional violence.

This conversation pulls back the curtain on a system that too often silences the very people it should protect. Charlotte and I talk about what needs to happen for family courts to finally center the voices of survivors, and how we can push for the trauma-informed change that families deserve.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Introduction

02:22 Family Courts and Gender Equality

03:44 Systemic Failures in Addressing Domestic Abuse

08:07 Sexual Coercion and Coercive Control

16:07 Parental Alienation as a Legal Strategy

34:07 Mishandling of Child Sexual Abuse Allegations

40:04 Purpose of “He Said, She Said”

Links

Connect with Dr. Charlotte Proudman:

@drproudman on Instagram, X, and TikTok; https://www.charlotteproudman.com/team-4-1

(upcoming events for He Said She Said); https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Said-She-Struggle-Justice/dp/1399612441Pre-order “He Said, She Said: Truth, Trauma and the Struggle for Justice in Family Court”

Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter

Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops

Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm