My Marriage Mentors: Season 2, Episode 2: Do You See Me, Do You Hear Me

Are "attention-seeking behaviors" only for children? In this episode of the My Marriage Mentors, Dr. Adrianne Wilson and Ovett Wilson delve into a topic seldom discussed in marriages: adult attention-seeking behaviors, or as The Gottman Institute defines them, "bids for attention". A bid for attention is any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection.

Drawing on influential research from John Gottman, this episode highlights the crucial difference between couples who thrive and those who don't: their response to these bids. A study following newlyweds over six years found that couples who remained married turned towards each other when bids were presented a remarkable 86% of the time, whereas divorced couples did so only 33% of the time.

Discover why turning towards your spouse instead of away when bids for attention occur is highlighted as the secret to a healthy marriage. While bids can be simple or complex, and sometimes tricky to navigate, especially for men, understanding their primary and secondary layers and the intent and root causes behind them is key.

This episode emphasizes that commitment is a choice, just like choosing to turn towards your partner4. Learn how consciously working on recognizing and responding to bids can drastically improve the well-being of your marriage.