Motherhood, Ego and the Search for “I Am”

In this first episode of Gracefully Unraveled, Kelli Lynch opens up about the identity shift that came with early motherhood — the grief, the guilt, and the unraveling of ego. Through honest storytelling, cultural commentary, and spiritual reflection, she explores how motherhood can strip away labels to reveal something deeper: the divine “I AM” within.Blending open-hearted faith, psychology, and scripture, Kelli shares what it means to move from performance to presence, and invites you into the same inquiry: Who am I, beneath the noise?If you’ve ever felt the tension between who you were and who motherhood demands you be, this episode is for you.👉 Be sure to Follow @GracefullyUnraveledPodcast for future episode releases and click the Share button to send this to a mom friend you think needs this!📲 Bonus content on social channels. Search @GracefullyUnraveledPodcast or click links below!🔗YouTube🔗Facebook🔗InstagramTranscript >2018 was a pivotal year for me. My son was almost a year old. From the outside, I looked like I had it together — smiling, doing the mom thing. But inside, I was unraveling. Not in a loud, dramatic way. It was more subtle — a slow-moving fracture that deteriorated my sense of self.I didn’t have a full understanding of ego back then or it's connection to self-identity. I thought ego was just arrogance — someone overconfident or cocky. Which isn't entirely wrong, but it's incomplete. The egoic mind is far more insidious — it compulsively identifies with form. It latches onto our roles, our accomplishments, our image-- and convinces us that we must protect those labels at all costs. And the greatest cost is choosing human over being.Before motherhood, I had a life. I had identity. A college degree, a career, marriage, a house, and disposable income. It all looked pretty shiny. But when we began talking about having kids, something shifted. I didn’t think we had to change. I thought I did. And that’s how it all started."You’re listening to Gracefully Unraveled — a podcast about the honest, soulful, and sometimes edgy journey through motherhood. I’m Kelli Lynch, and every other week I’m exploring how this path reshapes us — not into someone new, but into a deeper awareness of who we are. Through reflection, spiritual wisdom, a little research, and just enough comedy to stay sane — we’ll navigate this messy, beautiful unraveling together."Once my son was born, and the fog started lifting — I didn’t recognize myself. I didn’t know that the grief I felt — over my freedom, my sleep, my sense of control — was normal. I didn’t know that admitting how hard mothering felt would feel like failure.There were moments — rocking him for the third time that night — when I imagined God saying, “You were made for this,” and me replying, “Are you sure?”My husband would ask, “Are you okay?” and I’d answer with the classic, “I’m fine.” But I wasn’t fine. I was tired. I was overwhelmed. And I felt guilty for even thinking about all I had given up — like restaurants, shopping, gardening. My son barely slept more than two hours at a time. And the world around me was full of judgment — sleep train him, let him cry it out. I didn’t.And I’m glad I didn’t. At five, he was diagnosed with separation anxiety. That neediness wasn’t a flaw — it was part of who he was. Not all babies are the same. Neither are all mothers.The truth is, I had internalized that all of this — the parenting, the emotional labor, the identity shift — was mine to carry. That’s not accidental. That’s in part cultural.In societies like the U.S., gender stereotypes are deeply entrenched. They shape us long before we ever become parents. Women grow up absorbing messages that mothering is central to their value — that it’s natural, expected, selfless.When a woman becomes a mother, she undergoes a profound transformation. She’s expected to reorganize her entire identity around this new role. And that’s not inherently wrong — but it’s rarely supported with grace.Research describes maternal identity as a “central formation of the maternal need… a motivational sphere and axiological process” — in other words, it’s deep. It draws from our biology, our upbringing, and our culture. And it’s complicated.Many women experience what some researchers call an “identity crisis” during this [maternal] shift. Because you’re still you. You still carry your pre-maternal self. But now you’re supposed to bury her for the sake of someone else’s survival. And sometimes, she doesn’t go quietly.And that’s the tension I lived in: trying to be a “good mom” while mourning everything I used to be. The loss of self felt like failure. But looking back, it wasn’t. It was an invitation.While my eldest son is nearly 11 years old now, it wasn’t until a handful of years ago that I started to find hope in the suffering. I ...