Before the all-new Morning Crankers hits in December, we’re bringing you a special compilation of fan-favorite moments from the archives.

This episode brings together the best jokes, the wildest rants, the weirdest news stories, and classic Cranker chaos to hold you over as we finish retooling the show into something bigger, louder, and even funnier.

With Greg taking a temporary leave of absence, we hit reset behind the scenes — rebuilding Morning Crankers piece by piece to deliver the funniest morning comedy podcast on the planet. This compilation is a warm-up lap before the sprint. A “greatest hits” appetizer before the main feast that drops the first week of December.

Enjoy this blast from the past while we prepare a sharper format, brand-new segments, more energy, and more of the ridiculous, caffeinated humor you listen for. The future of Morning Crankers is already cooking — and it’s almost time to serve it.

New episodes officially return the first week of December.

This is your Crankers warm-up. Let’s get stupid.

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This week on the Morning Crankers Comedy Podcast, Hans takes you on a bullet-train ride through the weirdest headlines the universe coughed up. Iceland now has MOSQUITOES for the first time ever, every shrimp in England apparently parties harder than Motley Crüe, Amazon is turning delivery drivers into cyborgs with Terminator glasses, and ChatGPT now works BETTER when you're mean to it (which is honestly the most human AI behavior yet).

From a couple who broke into a restaurant, hooked up in front of a floral wall, THEN robbed it — to ancient 1,300-year-old poop being analyzed like it’s a limited edition vintage — to space debris literally slapping a Boeing mid-flight… this episode is absolute chaos in the best way.

It’s dumb. It’s smart. It’s true. And yes — it’ll make you feel better about your own life choices.

Welcome to the only comedy news show where shrimp are coked up, kidney marriages are romantic, and humanity is clearly speedrunning the apocalypse. Let’s crank.

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In today’s precision-engineered episode of Morning Crankers, Hans calmly dissects a world that appears increasingly allergic to normal. Scientists have invented a magnet-driven lantern that folds, crawls, and gently kidnaps fish. Astronomers are tracking a mysterious interstellar object on a direct path toward our star — “probably a comet” in the same tone people use to say “probably not haunted.” The legendary Sandy Hook sea serpent has re-entered public conversation like folklore that refuses to clock out. Texas Tech has officially declared tortillas a security threat. One school discovered — mid-drag lesson for eight-year-olds — that policies are not a myth. D.C. says the government shutdown will end “soon,” which historically means “prepare winter rations.” And finally — a lion escaped a moving truck through the roof hatch like it subscribed to convertible culture by instinct.

Delivered with surgical calm, cultural absurdity, and zero panic — this episode is proof the simulation interns are no longer supervised.

If you like your news filtered through caffeine, logic, and disbelief restraint — you are home.

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