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"At Least It’s Not Worse…” — Why We Rush Gratitude and Skip Our Feelings

We’ve all done it.
Someone shares they’re struggling, and we say:“Well, at least it’s not…”

But what are we actually doing when we say that?
In this Gup Shup, I’m unpacking how this reflex comes from both our brains and our cultures — and how it might be doing more harm than good.

-Why we rush to be grateful
- How the brain tries to protect us
- What we miss when we skip feelings
-And why we’re giving middle fingers up to guilt-based gratitude

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" - It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted! Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that—“I’m so tired… but I didn’t even do that much today.”
And for so many of us, especially in immigrant communities, that kind of tiredness isn’t physical—it’s emotional.

It’s what happens when we’re constantly absorbing other people’s moods, guilt, frustration, disappointment… and calling it caring.
We talk about physical boundaries—saying no, doing less, taking space. But we rarely talk about emotional boundaries.
The kind that help us shield our hearts.
That allow emotional separation from the people we love, so we don’t lose ourselves trying to carry everything they feel.

In this episode, I share what I’ve learned—through conversations, therapy, and my own lived experience—about emotional overfunctioning, how it drains us, and how we can slowly start doing things differently.

This isn’t about cutting people off. It’s about knowing what’s yours to hold—and what isn’t.

So if you’ve been feeling low, confused, or tired without a clear reason… I invite you to listen. This one’s especially for the ones who were raised to “just adjust.”

You deserve to feel light again.

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" - It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted! Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

Send us a text

Healing as South Asians often means navigating a mental health system shaped by whiteness — one that often fails to see us. After parting ways with a white friend who is also a therapist, I began questioning: is it that we resist help, or that the help we’re offered was never built for us?

And here’s the harder truth: many working within this system — including people of colour — don’t fully recognize how deeply whiteness shapes the frameworks we call “care.” Too often, this system offers a one-size-fits-all approach that doesn’t reflect our histories, cultures, or lived experiences. But unless those working in mental health commit to doing the deeper work — genuinely examining their own whiteness and how little is truly understood about clients of colour — these patterns will continue. Too many claim awareness but fall short of real accountability. The result? Many South Asians who need and deserve support are left unseen, underserved, or made to feel that healing is out of reach.

Often this harm isn’t intentional, but unless we do the deeper work, we risk reproducing it while trying to help. It’s a slippery slope. This Gup Shup is for anyone ready to rethink what true support looks like when we center our own voices and ways of healing.

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" - It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted! Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.