Marriage Made Me a Philosopher

Marriage: it was the end of all illusions and the beginning of philosophy: marriage was a lesson in impermanence - not an idea, a daily unfolding. To remain calm in storms not of my making. Dinner is late. Plans change. Cushions are moved. I nod, smile, adapt. an ardent disciple of Aurelius. Closet space shrinks mysteriously. my belongings become philosophical concepts. Arguments teach a truth: words are insufficient. “Where do you want to eat?” “Anywhere.” (Anywhere is wrong.) And I discover the absurd as Camus sighs in his grave. I broach the thesis: “Let’s watch a movie.” I receive the antithesis: “Let’s talk.” And confront the synthesis: talk about why no movie is being watched. “What did I do wrong?” “I don’t know.” But something is wrong. And thus begins a lifelong inquiry into metaphysics - what can truly be known? I examine questions of existentialism: what gives life meaning? Choice? Duty? Love? I lay in bed, see the fan whirl, and ask - what is love, bereft of drama? what is self, when it must bend? what is happiness, when it must be shared? What, indeed, is life, when it seeks surrender, but masquerades as gift. Essay: I sometimes feel that a philosopher dissects the deeper meanings of life, only to figure out that it is meaningless. And invariably, it has to do with human interaction, thought, foibles, decisions, reactions. And within the rigour of its investigation and compulsions is the real time change which humans wrought on each other. Marriage is the ultimate test of change and resilience. Crafted inside the crucible of love, it continuously tests the human power to forbear, resist, surrender and claim victory in survival. A less cynical view would view the wedded journey as a partnership which keeps on recalibrating itself until it hits a rhythm and a seamless marching cadence. In actuality it is a flawed construct, with a societal burden of "till death do us part". Which of course provides a longevity to breeding, rearing and mutual survival, but comes up wanting in providing universal succour. We are complex creatures. Feeling, hurt, chemistry, comfort, vulnerability, ego, belief, residual memory, remembrance, all swirl inside us like a Milky Way seeking their pre-eminence. And invariably coming up short when sought singularly. Luckily we are social creatures , necessarily living in a world which won't exist if not for cohabitation and coexistence. Thus ironically, the most successful marriages are the ones which recognise this need and build an ecosystem of relationships rather than one rooted in ownership, bound in jealousy, and closeted in insecurity. And just this musing is what makes a simple man transition into philosophy. Unknowingly, a man walks into marriage a simple human being and walks out wiser. If you liked this poem, consider listening to these other poems on marriage and its consequences -

• She's a Fierce One, My One
• Love's Night of the Long Knives
• How She Knew (that he was unfaithful)

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Get in touch with me on [e-mail] The details of the music used in this episode are as follows - Rising Sun by Sascha Ende Link: https://filmmusic.io/en/song/rising-sun Licence: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license