Making Sense of Grief and Loss

Grief is something most of us will encounter, yet it remains rarely talked about. It can follow the death of someone we love, but also the loss of health, identity or relationships. When grief arrives, it often brings a complex mix of emotions that feel overwhelming or unexpected.

In this episode, Dr Lee David speaks with Professor Lucy Selman – a leading researcher in palliative and end-of-life care at the University of Bristol and founder of the Good Grief Festival – about what grief really is and how we can better understand and support it.

They explore grief as a natural human response rather than a mental health problem, looking at why it can involve emotions far beyond sadness, including anger, guilt, shame and relief. Lucy explains how grief is shaped by relationships, culture and identity, and why naming grief can bring relief and permission to respond with compassion rather than self-judgement.

The conversation also challenges common myths about grief – including the idea that it follows a neat timeline – and introduces the dual process model to explain how people move between mourning and everyday life. Together, they reflect on the importance of connection, self-care and practical support, as well as when additional help may be needed.

This is a discussion about making space for grief, understanding its many forms and finding ways to live alongside loss with kindness and flexibility.

Key moments

00:00 Why we struggle to talk openly about grief
02:13 What grief is and the many forms loss can take
04:50 Naming grief and why it brings relief
09:46 Understanding grief with the dual process model
13:25 Guilt, self-blame and compassion in bereavement
16:49 How we start making sense of loss
20:19 Why grief isn’t linear
23:52 Noticing loss with compassion
26:12 When grief becomes more complex and support is needed
30:17 Day-to-day self-care during grief
34:23 How to support someone who is grieving
40:12 Presence, compassion and practical support

About the guest

Lucy Selman is professor of palliative and end of life care at the University of Bristol. She has spent over 20 years researching psychosocial and spiritual aspects of serious illness, communication and decision-making, family caregiving and bereavement. Her work focuses on grief and how people are supported through illness and loss. Lucy is on LinkedIn and X.

The Good Grief Festival (Website, Instagram, LinkedIn) offers courses for bereaved people and professionals, including a new course for GPs and primary care clinicians.

About the host

Dr Lee David is a GP, CBT therapist and author specialising in mental health and wellbeing. Lee has written many books on CBT, mindfulness and teen wellbeing, and speaks regularly at conferences and in the media. Away from work she enjoys running, hiking, singing in a choir and spending time outdoors with her family. You can find Lee through her website and on Instagram, TikTok (@dr.lee.david), Facebook and LinkedIn. You can find more about her books, wellbeing courses and therapy here: https://linktr.ee/dr.lee.david