Make Any Relationship Better with Maggie Reyes

My guest, marriage coach Maggie Reyes, and I are talking about the 4 essential elements of a great relationship, how they apply to marriage, parenting, and all types of relationships. Plus, we dive into how to reconnect with your spouse when you feel like you’ve been drifting apart and why they don’t have to change for your relationship to feel better.You’ll learn:How to shift your thoughts when you’re bored with your partnerWhat to do when you feel like you don’t matter to your partnerHow to reconnect (and it’s not just more date nights!)Where to look for clues about your values so you can be more intentional with your energyEven if you aren’t married, you’re going to want to stick around, because her model can be applied to any relationship in your life. _____________________Today’s guest, Maggie Reyes, is a marriage coach who is sharing her advice to make any relationship better. Even if you aren’t married, you’re going to want to stick around, because her model can be applied to any relationship in your life. We’re talking about the 4 essential elements of a great relationship and how they apply to marriage, parenting, and all types of relationships. Plus, we dive into how to reconnect with your spouse when you feel like you’ve been drifting apart and why they don’t have to change for your relationship to feel better. 4 Essential Elements of a Great RelationshipIf you’re in a relationship with someone that’s not feeling amazing, you might not even know where to begin. The four elements Maggie shares give us a starting point to narrow down where the issue(s) might be and offer possible solutions.They each come with their own question to get you started.Perspective. Is there a different way to look at this? For example, if you feel you aren’t getting what you need in a certain situation, is it possible that your partner is trying but not doing it the way you would want?Partnership. Are we on the same team? Do we have collaboration and rapport? This works like an emotional bank account. You need to make a lot of deposits into the partnership in order to make the withdrawals you want.Pleasure. Are we having fun and enjoying our connection? In a marriage, this also includes having a sexual connection. This is where tools like the Delight List I often teach come into play. Personal Power. Am I thinking that I matter? This allows you to explore what is and is not okay with you. You have to believe that you matter enough to even ask for what you want and need in the relationship. You get to ask for things that you find pleasing or delightful, and you get to say “no” to things that don’t fit your priorities and values.These elements are often connected. For example, if you’re enjoying each other’s company, you likely also have a strong rapport and partnership. If there is one that really stands out as you ask yourself these questions, that is a great place to focus your attention. Give and Get What You Both NeedMaggie believes that people love us the best they can, but it isn’t always the way we want to be loved. You and your partner might express your feelings and what matters to you in completely different ways. Sometimes we miss each other or we miss the mark on what the other person wants or needs. We're trying to do things, and the other person isn't seeing them. It’s easy to tell ourselves, “Oh, they don’t care. They’re not thinking about me.” But often, this isn’t the case. A shift in perspective can help us see things that we weren’t noticing or looking for before, or we might see that they are expressing love in a different way that we would. Try asking what is meaningful to the other person. What would they like? What would be delightful when they get home? You may be scared of asking these questions because we think they’re going to want something that's beyond our capacity, but sometimes what our spouse needs from us is much simpler than we think. And because you matter, you can give feedback, too. I’ve experienced situations with my own husband when I had to tell him, “I love what you’re doing, but I don’t like the way you’re doing it.” Reconnect With Your SpouseBusy schedules, work, kids activities and chores fill our days and often leave us feeling disconnected from our spouses. In her work, Maggie sees a direct correlation. The people who struggle the most in marriage are the people who spend the least time together. The people who are thriving spend the most time together. The natural inclination in any relationship is to drift apart. So you have to choose to turn toward each other on purpose. Maggie’s suggestion is to build in small pockets of “together time”. This can be 5 minutes of coffee together in the morning or 20 minutes together to check in and just breathe after the kids are in bed. If you love date nights, that’s great, but they’re not required (thank goodness!). Making a plan...