Love Versus In Love

In this powerful call-in episode of Dr. Judy WTF, Dr. Judy unpacks the difference between being in love and truly loving someone. She explains why the dopamine-filled highs of infatuation can feel like a drug, why those “butterflies” rarely last, and how real love is built on stability, shared values, and emotional safety. Using her Mind Map® system and attachment theory, Dr. Judy traces how childhood wounds, “holes in the soul,” and inconsistent parenting create anxious and avoidant attachment styles that play out in adult relationships.

A courageous caller shares how growing up with emotionally unavailable parents led him to repeatedly fall for partners who don’t have time for him. Dr. Judy walks him through her “What the Freud”® repetition principle—why we keep choosing rejecters and secretly hope they will finally heal our original pain. She also explores whether the in-love feeling can come back in long-term relationships, how to rekindle sparks with date nights, play, sex, and shared growth, and why becoming the cause of your healing (instead of at the effect of others) is the real path to healthy, mature love.