Kevin & Scott Part 2 of 3: When Homework is Frustrating for Everyone

Homework is a time of frustration in many families. And there are so many root causes that contribute to the defiance that often comes with homework. In today’s episode, which is the second session with Kevin and Scott, Leslie discusses and assesses what’s going on and what to do with those homework issues. Kevin and Scott are parents to 7 year old Gavin and 4 year old Arthur - two neurodivergent boys, who are trying incredibly hard to be the best parents they can be. Leslie points out that perhaps everyone can try different, not harder.

Time Stamps

3:40 Varying your skills is often very effective - mix it up a little

4:13 The opposite of self-compassion is self-deprecating and self-judgements

6:00 Using your skills intentionally makes the skill for effective

6:50 Family value of doing things together as a family

Children avoid parts of their homework that’s hard for them.

• The child may have difficulty admitting that they made a mistake

9:40 Review of the should’s from the homework for Kevin and Scott

10:39 How to believe your own compassionate statement

11:35 Looking at yourself before you became a parent

14:24 Should-ing yourself or your child often turns into shaming

15:20 The pressure of parenting

16:38 Validate your thoughts but don’t attach to those thoughts

17:40 We don’t have to try harder, we have to try different

18:40 The many uses of mindfulness

23:03 What to do when your child refuses to do school work

• Give your child information about what happens to them
• Put it on paper so it is tangible and visual

26:08 Many kids don’t want to talk about a past situation that didn’t go well

27:00 Homework is an opportunity to “see” who your child is and to help them understand themselves

28:15 Assess why is your child struggling with homework

31:30 Transitions may be challenging for kids with ADHD

32:40 Being seen and understood creates connection between parent and child

• Connection is the opposite of feeling shame

34:03 Helping your child when they make a mistake and get upset

• “Can you give yourself permission to make a mistake”
• “That really threw you into emotion mind”
• Ahead of time, “are you prepared to make some mistakes” or “can you handle making a mistake today”

37:44 Going to school for the neurodivergent child is extra exhausting. Some accommodations may be needed to create an environment that is supportive

39:20 New ideas and strategies may be refreshing in a the family dynamic

40:42 Keys to parenting when homework is problematic

42:30 Defiance is not the measure of being a bad parent. Remember defiance is helping you understand your child

Leslie-ism: Don’t try harder, try different!

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and