Karen Salmansohn – Your To-Die For List: What Matters When Productivity Isn't the Point

What makes someone quit a six-figure advertising career to write books that help people think differently? In this episode of Legendary Leaders, host Cathleen O'Sullivan sits down with Karen Salmansohn—bestselling author, behavioral change expert, and the creative force behind NotSalmon.com—whose sharp wit and mortality-driven wisdom will make you rethink everything on your to-do list. Karen shares why fun isn't frivolous—it's fuel. She breaks down the science of why laughter literally shakes ideas loose, explains why her "e-pee-phanies" in the bathroom cracked more creative codes than caffeine ever did, and reveals the mortality marble jar that transformed how she spends every single month. With disarming honesty, she opens up about hiding her intelligence to be liked and finally "coming out" as a smart person in her sixties. Together, Cathleen and Karen explore the fatal flaw of to-do lists, why your identity is the puppet master of your habits, and how writing your own eulogy can wake you up from a "near-life experience." This conversation is for anyone who's tired of sleepwalking through their days and ready to design a life their future self will actually thank them for. Episode Timeline: 00:05:36 How funny are you? Karen's son vs. Jon Stewart's verdict 00:06:34 Fun as a high-performance fuel (and meditation on steroids) 00:09:23 Manifestation, energy, and why confidence attracts results 00:14:48 From advertising to authorship: quitting the senior VP job her parents hated 00:19:38 The Häagen-Dazs theory on productivity: only pick what excites you 00:22:35 Procrastination strategies: turn your pain into purpose 00:27:03 Writing your eulogy: the wake-up call that changes everything 00:29:41 The fatal flaw of to-do lists (and why you need a to-die list) 00:33:31 The seven core values that minimize regret: A to G 00:38:31 Identity-based statements: "I am loving, so I find a way to Connecticut" 00:44:34 Feisty then, feisty now: how Karen sold the book her agent didn't want 00:46:33 Hiding her intelligence to be liked, then embracing it fully in her sixties 00:57:14 Hedonia vs. eudaimonia: why happiness isn't the goal 01:00:16 Life as a den of pleasure AND a laboratory for growth 01:12:51 Near-life experiences: when you're scrolling instead of living 01:16:07 The mortality marble jar: 437 marbles and a monthly reckoning Key Takeaway: Your Identity Is the Puppet Master of Your Habits: Who you think you are determines what you actually do. If you walk around thinking "I'm sloppy," you'll do sloppy things. If you think "I'm a loving person," you'll find a way to get to Connecticut for your friend's birthday—even without a car. Studies show people who identified as "voters" were three times more likely to show up at the polls than those who just heard clever slogans. Change your identity statement, change your behavior. To-Do Lists Prioritize Productivity, Not Meaning—That's Their Fatal Flaw: You can check off every box on your to-do list and still waste your life. Karen created a "to-die list" alongside her to-do list—a place for meaningful habits tied to core values, not just tasks. The top regrets of the dying? Working too hard, not spending time with friends, not allowing themselves to be happier, not living true to themselves. Your to-die list is the bridge between current you and the person your eulogy will describe. Life Is a Den of Pleasure AND a Laboratory for Growth—You Need Both: We're addicted to instant gratification—scrolling, avoiding discomfort, waiting for "someday." But here's the truth: you can't seize every day. Aristotle said the goal isn't living pain-free; it's learning lessons that grow you into your best self. Emotional diversity is what makes you flourish. Instead of "seize the day," try "seize every other day." The moments in the laboratory of growth—where you get curious about your patterns and repair what keeps repeating—are what make the pleasure meaningful. The Mortality Marble Jar: Math That Shakes You Awake: Karen calculated how many months she has left if she lives to 100 (she promised her son). She bought that many marbles, put them in a jar, and every month she moves one marble to her "past" jar. The first time she did it, she couldn't remember what she'd done that month. Depressing. Now she intentionally plans meaningful experiences—dancing with friends, theater nights, time with her son—so when she holds that marble, she has something to report. The question that changes everything: "Is this really worth a marble of my life?" About Karen Salmansohn: Karen Salmansohn is a bestselling author, behavioral change expert, and the founder of NotSalmon.com, where 1.5 million followers get their daily dose of psychology wrapped in wit. A former senior VP creative director who walked away from advertising in her twenties—despite her parents' protests—she's sold over 2 million books including How to Be Happy,...